The Alpha

Walking across the vast plains
I traverse my territory,
with long majestic strides,
and my thick brown mane
dancing with the wind
my eyes wide open
for that unfortunate soul
who dares enter my empire.

I let my concubines hunt
for I need my strength,
I am their king,
their protector,
their love.
And they are my Pride.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Something within me has been pulling me tho right something on Lions, wrote a few days back but it didn't seem right to me, this was done this morning... I'm looking forward to your comments @i.am_jesse

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Benue State, Nigeria, NGA

Favorite Poets: Prince ea, Cohen

Comments

jane210660

8 years 5 months ago

Wow

Just love this.
One small crit, just being picky, is that you've used the word territory twice. I like the first use of the word, 'I traverse my territory' besides being alliterative, it does have a regal ring to it.
Perhaps 'kingdom' might be a better word for the second 'territory' or I'm sure you could think of many.
This poem paints a really vivid picture, so beautiful.
Jx

iamjesse

8 years 5 months ago

Thank you Jane

I've used the word “empire” in place of the second "territory"

jane210660

8 years 5 months ago

Yes, I like that. Jx

Yes, I like that.
Jx

chevyvent

8 years 5 months ago

Great piece and illustration

great imagery to this piece. you indeed remind me of myself in this piece. trying to recapture the days of our youth. they go by so fast, yet its good to know if you got one foot in the door there is still one left outside willing to explore the vast unknown between time and space. Never relent in ever giving up on your dreams even if you fail such as riding the bicycle get up again and keep on riding until you reach your final destination. With what deeds we do for today will be echoed throughout eternity.

chevyvent

8 years 5 months ago

Very Deep Piece & Moving

Poetry can convey the aura of good tidings. To become a beacon of light to a hurting world in need of love. The true source of freedom comes from a sacrificial view of servant hood. One must embrace the arts with a full intention to succeed. A challenge to be free is a question of time. Lastly, poems tell a unique story of our lives one should be treasured among the masses. Thank you kindly, Poet Mario William Vitale