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This poem is part of the workshop:

Meter... The Workshop.

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Dactylic verse

Silly poem

Fantastic elastic

holds up our underwear.

Without it, big problems

our bottoms would be bare.

 

The second is a poem I wrote a while back a triolet called 'Old Friend'

It's not 100% dactylic, but I think at least parts of it are. 

Sat in the attic whilst sunbeams dance
Upon your wooden frame.
No more do you race, no more do you prance
Sat in the attic whilst sunbeams dance
No children astride with sword and lance,
Playing their childish game.
Sat in the attic whilst sunbeams dance
Upon your wooden frame.

 

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Yorkshire England, GBR

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Comments

jane210660

jane210660

8 years 1 month ago

Hi Gerry

The first poem is not meant to critique at all, just a bit of fun.
I was doing some research on dactylic words and fantastic was on the list. I just took the word and played with it.
As you assume, to my ears and accent, the stress can be put on the first syllable.
To some extent, as Jess said earlier, you can read in a certain way, to stress the appropriate syllables. However, I completely agree with your parsing of it too, so I may have got it entirely wrong. Grins.
The second poem I included to see what Wesley thought. I actually find dactyl hard to write exclusively in. I thought my second poem had some dactyl feet, but wanted to see what our tutor thought.
One of the troubles is, I can't get 'Into the valley rode the six hundred................' out of my brain. Anything I write seems to be (poorly) echoing this.
Anyway, now Wesley has given us our brief, I shall go and do as he asked, so will have to get my thinking cap on and write my dactylic feet in Alexandrines..
For me, that will be tough. I'm not a Dum-da-da girl.
I will leave these two pieces up here though, even if I did jump the gun. They might be a point for discussion................ or not!
I do find it absolutely fascinating how regional accent, let alone international accent differences, can change a word so much.
Jx

lovedly

lovedly

8 years 1 month ago

repetition ...marred the lovely attic rendition

Sat in the attic whilst sunbeams dance
Upon your wooden frame
xxxxxxx
repetition ...marred the lovely attic rendition
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sat in the attic whilst sunbeams dance
Upon your wooden frame

jane210660

jane210660

8 years 1 month ago

Hi Lovedly

The second poem is a triolet. It's a strict form, it has to have the repetition. Ist, 4th and 7th lines are the same. 2nd and 8th lines are the same. Rhyming pattern abaaabab. Can't move from that.
It's fun to try writing one,give it a go. Jx

wesley snow

wesley snow

8 years 1 month ago

A cute poem,

but i wait for a real go at the exercise. This should have been submitted to the Stream as is.

jane210660

jane210660

7 years 12 months ago

Thanks Jess

I always like to hear someone else read my work, not least because it makes it concrete - real somehow. Also, it often sounds different, than it does in my head.
Yes we had those three kings selling dodgy underware too.
They must have made a packet.
Jx