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JF
Jeffrey Fleischer
May 24, 2017 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Going To France Was Her Dream

Going to France was her dream,
But life is never as good as it seems.
Her life turned out tragically bad.
Now I am very sad.
She will never see Paris or the Eiffel Tower,
Or hear a clock in Cologne chime by the hour.
She was the best she could be.
She meant everything to me.
Now she is in heaven at peace.
My love for her will never cease.
I miss her so much.
How I long for her touch.
Oh how I miss her so.
Just how much,
Only G-d and I will ever know.
Someday I will see her again.
Only G-d knows when.
It is getting harder and harder for me to wait,
But until then I will have to accept her fate.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York City, NY, USA, USA

More from this author

Comments

Eumolpus

Eumolpus

8 years 1 month ago

your poem

It is our responsibility to respect a person's feelings. You have written honestly, and what has happened is truly sad, and anyone reading this work will surely feel sad at your loss.
I am a poetry therapist. You have taken the first step in using poetry to find catharsis and self expression. Honesty is the most important first step of a poet.

As time goes on, you MUST read a lot poetry and get involved with other poets . You will discover the magic ingredients that make poetry. . It is a long process to learn the power of words, metaphors, simile, meter, rhyme, etc. Continue to read the poetry and comments on this site. You will one day look back at this work and understand why, although heart felt, has not yet entered the domain in the craft of poetry.
Stay with it!

Geezer

Geezer

8 years 1 month ago

I felt some...

deep emotion here. I liked your title and the beginning and end were good. I think if you follow the advice of Eumolpus, you will do very well here at Neopoet. ~ Geezer.
.

jane210660

jane210660

8 years 1 month ago

I can only concur

that Eumolpus has given you some really great advice.
Poetry is a wonderful medium for expressing our emotion and it's really good that you shared yours with us.
Keep with it.
Jx