lovedly

Jun 13, 2017 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Mom's Smiles JUN CONTEST (UPLIFTED FOR THOSE WHO MISSED IT)

Mom's Smiles

Very sentimental poetry
I recall my mom’s last eyes
no tears
Smiles as she passed by
tears did not then come
into my eyes
I too smiled

Then it rained
all day and night
mom’s smiles went away
now I thirst for those looks
till today
as she passed away

it rains till today
nearly five decades away
she still smiles daily at me
I, my mom can see
smiling with me

It does no longer rain
now it only snows
heaven knows
when she calls out to me

when are you coming?
I smile back and ask
are you still waiting for me

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: UNIVERSE...ETERNITY C/O ME, ROU

Favorite Poets: All across the Internet whom I read , and they inspire..

Comments

wesley snow

8 years 1 month ago

Strong entry.

I don''t know if she changed history, but a good work nonetheless.

lovedly

8 years 1 month ago

Thanks Wesley

let it in summer snow
rgds

scribbler

8 years 1 month ago

hi loved

An excellent example of the use of poetic devices to compose a free verse. Best of luck in contest...........stan

Keith Logan

8 years 1 month ago

This is both beautiful and tender. As you know by now I always look for alternatives to suggest. In this case the only thing I can offer, and I am not saying it is an improvement, is to drop one line at the start of the last stanza.

It does no longer rain
now it only snows
heaven knows
when she calls out
I smile back and ask
are you still waiting for me

lovedly

8 years 1 month ago

It does no longer rain

It does no longer rain
if I drop this line

the whole meaning would change
this line says

''my eyes no more rain (tears) ''
any confusion
must be an illusion
Keith do clarify please
thanks

Keith Logan

8 years 1 month ago

On rereading

I can totally see your point. Please dismiss my first thoughts on the subject. I tend to think in terms of less is more but I can see that sometimes I take that too far.

lovedly

8 years 1 month ago

touching comments by poets outside neo

MOM’s SMILES
friendly poets comments

‘’This is my second visit to this great piece of poetry.
Emotional and heartfelt.
Mothers leave a big void when they depart for their final abode.
A son or a daughter who were emotionally attached to her,
miss their mother more than anybody else.
Thanks a lot, Dear poet, for sharing the poem.

my eyes....
Then it rained all day and night
as she passed away / it rains till today / nearly five decades away’’’’

A beautiful tribute to Mom who passed to Spirit smiling, happy to be returning home again. Now, it is almost time for the poet to join his beloved Mother in Spirit, he is looking forward to meeting her again and being with her. He too smiles.
The love the poet has for his Mom is tangible in this excellently penned poem. Lovely work! Thank you for sharing...

Geezer

8 years 1 month ago

She's waiting...

believe it!
~ Gee.
.

lovedly

8 years 1 month ago

thank u Gee

for the humour
have ye

Rula

8 years 1 month ago

Very tender indeed

I think mom's smiles are alwys distinguished.
They shine with smiles even after they pass away.
Good luck dear. Your entrant deserves to win

lovedly

8 years 1 month ago

ma'am your walking through my space

is enough an award for me .

I never lose nor ever win
as in life I have always been second
my wife comes first
always and every time
Thanks for your hopes
it flames my inspiration
to compose more
and I shall

lovedly

8 years 1 month ago

SNOW MAN STAN

CHANGING HISTORY OF TIME
LESSONS FROM PILLARS OF TIME

Lord Rama... Be fair to the point of default, may be you may suffer, doesn't matter
Lord Krishna ... Tell the whole truth you need not remember what you last said
Gautama Buddha...Eliminate pain to reduce suffering
Jesus Christ...... Love thy neighbour
Mohammed..... Trust in Allah.
Gurnanak ji... The whole world is in trouble ''NANAK DUKHIYA SUBH SANSAAR.''
Mahatma Gandhi When one slaps you on one cheek, show him the other
My sole view............
''BELIEVE IN YOURSELF FIRST USE BRAINS on Earth...IN HEAVEN GOD WILL LOOK AFTER YOU''

Amen Ameen WAHE GURU, OM, HEY RAM ALLAH! BUDDHAM SHARNAM GUCHAAMI