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Jun 14, 2017
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The real me
Gentle was I then
Sitting in the courtyard of the maker
Enjoying the pre-life season
Thinking about nothing
'cus i had everything I needed
But then the call came
For someone to go to the earth
I looked around, here and there
Thinking the call wasn't for me
But you can't escape the maker's call
Suddenly I lost contact of everything happening
And i met myself in a strange land
Doing strange things I don't understand
Mixing with strange people i can't remember
But the choice wasn't mine
Moving on in this strange land
Having adjusted to everything here
But how much I wished
That the beginning remains till now
just as it was in the beginning
Our father who hath in heaven
Only one thing I pray for
The only thing I need urgently
That even in this miserable world
That i remain immiserable
Long years i've got to use here
But how long without a mark
Then years will no longer count
Days will no longer matter
But the real me still live on
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
weirdelf
8 years 3 months ago
Im so sorry your poem has recieved no comment for a month
particularly remiss for a new member. This site is getting bigger with lots of new members but that is no excuse. Being personally attentive is what makes us Neopoet.
I like this piece a lot. It borders dangerously close to dreamscape yet manages to avoid that pitfall and instead be an allegory of alienation, it seems to me, again avoid the pitfall there of whining.
Suddenly I lost contact of everything happening [perhaps 'with' instead of 'of'?]
immiserable is a nicely coined word, I like it.
But the real me still live on
But the real me still lives on
or
But that the real me still live on
? Just a thought.
A fine poem and welcome to Neopoet and again our apologies for the late response.
Do I know you from Facebook? I am Jess Tapper and have many Nigerian friends there.
sewie smalls
8 years 3 months ago
i love it
Probably because I'm new to poetry and its the first I have understood on this site without having to use a dictionary...
I know how frustrating it can be to feel like u haven't made any impact...