IMAGERY IN POETRY( ready to start?)

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Beryl emerald (Imagery workshop)

Extensive dreams of shine and hopes of stunning shimmer,
frozen antifreeze immersed in earth is still waiting to glimmer.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Two things; Number one, I kind of skipped the first assignment and went with two lines (I was supposed to do two lines eventually though, right?). Number two, frozen antifreeze. Yes, that makes sense Rory. (;

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: California, United States

Comments

Sparrow

8 years ago

Rory

I have been writing for quite a few years now, and you are so right to ask now for help in becoming a great writer.
Now is the time to learn and act on others comments and ask questions even of your own work, like should I ?? or was this the correct way??
I have a Grand Daughter of 16 years old she is here as "Purple Hobbit"
This write is very good Imagery the only word I would question is the use of "antifreeze" but there is a species of frog that can be frozen, and when thawed out seems to be unharmed, as it has a system of adapting to the extremes of climate. Whether this is due to antifreeze in its body not sure.
"Frozen life" to me would fit better but at my age, I just put on another layer of cloths lol.
Take care little one and never be afraid to ask of us,
Yours Ian..

QueenS.L.O.W.T…

7 years 12 months ago

My chain of thought:

Emeralds are green.
Antifreeze is green and the best green to describe emeralds.
If antifreeze could freeze, it would be smooth and rough at the same time and it would be shiny.
Therefore, frozen antifreeze describes emeralds in a new, imaginative way.

That frog thing is really cool.

Thanks,
Rory

wesley snow