scribbler

Aug 07, 2017 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

CHILDHOOD'S END

We've sent the scouts
and they've come back
from the empty wilderness

All the information
poured over, analyzed
as preparations culminate

Even an outpost has been manned
near the warmth of the hearthside
but on that unknown edge

Plans for the pioneering vessels
tested and passed
faults found and corrected

We've done this before
many times
hundreds of years
brave men
into the unknown

For the first time though
we prepare to leave our cradle
and hopefully achieve our destiny
among the open wilderness
of space

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Another free verse from that guy that doesn't do free verse lol

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

brittle light

7 years 11 months ago

nice idea, analogy to

nice idea, analogy to terrestrial explorers, catching us (the reader) a little off guard...didn't see it coming, (the whole point ).
I enjoyed the re-read to see how you did it. "Wilderness" was the first trick, a perfect Stan set up

cool...but, and a big But at that ...the title....naw!
I understand the point, the reason, just doesn't feel right.

later,

scribbler

7 years 11 months ago

Hi Al

I'll give the title some thought but I almost never change a title because doing so might be misinterpreted as being a sneaky way to get more reads.I'm very pleased that the poem doesn't give away the final line lol.....stan

lovedly

7 years 11 months ago

puberty

is simply
hormonal
in human
mostly in woman
it shows
guys
they come to know
AGE chained
it glows and grows

all know you also

we emerge from real wombs
not wilderness
but puberty is eternal
how it is connected with wilderness
(my domain)
it still does remain
to my dwarfed mind
appears a simple
intellectual drain

stan
do sustain
indebted
I shall remain

scribbler

7 years 11 months ago

so

you think the title is off also? why not just say so lol.....stan

lovedly

7 years 11 months ago

ok stan lol

u say add a R from my side
RFLOL

Geezer

7 years 11 months ago

So what...

if you get a few more reads from a new title? Who's counting? And as long as you make note of the change, in your comments or allude to the change somewhere, I wouldn't be annoyed and think that reading it for a third time was a waste of time. ~ Gee.
.

scribbler

7 years 11 months ago

Thanks

I think this might be the 3rd time I changed a title. The more I thought about the old title the more I thought it Was wrong. Hopefully the new title suits the poem better