brittle light

Aug 19, 2017 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Snap, Crackle, and Pop

if it doesn't startle
or bristle
I don't need it

if it doesn't enliven
or blissen
I don't need it

if it doesn't arouse
or excite
I don't need it

if obtuse, or convoluted,
boring, or cliched
I won't like it
in the very same way as
not liking
soggy cereal

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: upstate New York USA, USA

Comments

Geezer

7 years 11 months ago

Some people...

don't have the mental teeth to digest anything but pap. I see you have big molars. ~ Gee.
.

brittle light

7 years 11 months ago

not much of a poem, but I did want to remind others( not you,or anyone reading this) that people have needs and expectations when putting in their time, whether watching a movie, tv show, or having a restaurant meal, or playing a computer game or reading a book or poem; it's got to deliver
it's got to sparkle or titillate, anything but BORE. Anyway , nice comment, thanks

scribbler

7 years 11 months ago

Dang Al

So this means you don't like my scribbling? lol. I know what you mean. But even something which only brings a feeling of content is worthwhile if done well.....BTW liked the poem/rant..........stan

brittle light

7 years 11 months ago

I should have included:

if it doesn't bring
a sense of pastoral tranquility
stability, and contentment
(and without being obtuse, convoluted,
boring , or cliched,)
then I don't need it.

Stan, you are absolutely safe

your work is appreciated for its genuine nature, and craftsmanship,
and consistently a pleasure to read

Kailashana2

7 years 11 months ago

Do you like wet noodles?

:-)

brittle light

7 years 11 months ago

Yum, spaetzle good

Eumolpus

7 years 11 months ago

but the title

The poem is short and to the point enough, and makes soggy cereal the object. That to me is enough, it has a lot of irony and an image we all understand.

I think the title is too cute on this one, and takes away from it. Also introduces commas in the last stanza as opposed to using spacing as in the other stanzas. I would prefer the consistency, one way or another (punctuate the whole poem, or none of it)

brittle light

7 years 11 months ago

point well taken

point well taken
I think the idea of all or nothing is probably preferable in most cases, but would never interpret that as an absolute
one appropriate and necessary comma for a definite purpose would not necessitate going back and placing commas in every conceivable place where they could be deemed appropriate.

this piece could have done without the arbitrary use of them. The arbitrariness is the basis of complaint, I assume
you are an astute commenter and always have reasoned and rational suggestions
very much appreciated by me

As for the title, the cuteness, I thought, might mitigate some of the "sting" (if so felt by anyone)

thanks Mark
keep me on my toes