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Sep 04, 2017
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From A Dream
Bodies entwined,
passion burning
in the night,
love was sealed
in matrimony.
Two hearts clutching a dream,
hoping to bring
another life into the world
to complete their lives.
In a single moment,
the dream
became a million seeds,
released by fate,
striving to take form
to be the core of being,
nurtured in the womb.
Only one succeed,
the strongest among them,
destined to survive
to become me.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
weirdelf
7 years 9 months ago
um, yep
that's what what happened.
Not sure if it is poetry.
alidzain
7 years 9 months ago
Jess
any suggestions for improvements?
Alid
scribbler
7 years 9 months ago
Hi Alid
Until the last line I thought you'd become a father lol. I'd have put at least one rhyme in the place you think contains the heart of this poem and maybe put a bit of alliteration in also. Other than that this has good "bones" and was enjoyed.....stan
alidzain
7 years 9 months ago
Any suggestion?
my mind is blank.
Alid