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Metro Trains
It stinks! Smelling like mildew
On top of old mold. A thousand wet collies,
Who've been stuck in a car for three days.
Today, the backpacks kiss while
strangers feet play footsy.
And we are all small sardines, packed
In an even smaller can.
People sitting, who can sit.
And others unlucky to stand.
I want to sit, and sit alone.
Fifteen stops to work and fifteen back home.
With probably ten pauses in between.
"This trip would've taken no time in a car."
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
weirdelf
7 years 10 months ago
It seems you have been listening to feedback
This displays more originality of language use and more concision of meaning than your earlier works.
I adore seeing poets develop here.
T. Harmonee
7 years 10 months ago
Thanks. Working on trying to
Thanks. Working on trying to lengthen my poems as well.