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I
issiakson
Sep 08, 2017 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Speech Ineffable

For over two decades
My heart has been asleep

Today, it spoke to me
A speech ineffable

I felt it threatening to out
Through my throat, then my chest

I swear I felt my heart cry
With its eyes and then sobs with its nose

Deflowered
my thighs receive a gush of wind between.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I pride mself as not having a heart, on the eve of my graduation, i found myself almost sobbing, and calling my friends randomly to tell them I will miss them

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Kano, Nigeria

Favorite Poets: Rumi, Emily Dickinson, Bronte, John Ashbery, Dante, Andrew Marvel, Edgar Allan Poe, Emily Bronte, William Blake

More from this author

Comments

Marvel Godwyn

Marvel Godwyn

7 years 10 months ago

Welcome to Neopoet poetry

Welcome to Neopoet poetry website Issiakson.A nice poem but I would have loved to know the ineffable speech your heart spoke to you. And I think the word "receive" should have been a past tense.

I

issiakson

7 years 10 months ago

thank you Marvel.

thank you Marvel. unfortunately, the speech is ineffable, perhaps it can only be felt. the "receive" correction too, got it.. thank you.

weirdelf

weirdelf

7 years 10 months ago

issiakson, this poem touched me,

I know the feeling so well.

And those last four lines really bring it home. The physicality of "sobs with its nose"
and the carnality of deflowered, loss of virginity, and "a gush of wind" like the world blowing in.

Fine, brave work.