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sewie smalls
sewie smalls
Sep 10, 2017 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Imperfection

it's like red stains on snow
the soft withered petal of a rose
how blissfully imperfect
like me.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: nigeria, NGA

Favorite Poets: rupi kaur, wole soyinka

More from this author

Comments

Eumolpus

Eumolpus

7 years 9 months ago

your poem

I don't usually do a re-write of other people's poems, but this one is so short...

Imperfection

The red stains on snow,
the soft withered petal of a rose;
how blissfully imperfect
like me.

I just wanted to see it without "it's like" which is both too conversational for the elegance of this poem. I also think the "like" is implied within the rhetoric of the poem.
If this poem is in a form which counts syllables, I have a very personal opinion to share....who cares? who's counting? Perhaps the aspect of syllable count works in Japanese, but they do not use rhyme. It's a totally different linguistic approach to poetry. same in music and time signatures- a totally different orientation.I think the idea in English should be for writers to catch the essence of Haiku. And that i do believe this poem has done!

lovedly

lovedly

7 years 9 months ago

i only can suggest read more poets of neo

then only you can know
how to with the river of time here
with us flow
how do we know what with you alone goes '
read ten poems and comment on all
politely
then see how Nigeria becomes
a neopoets sea
no racialism please
we all are human
earthian