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S
scribbler
Sep 20, 2017 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

WALL SHADOW

On mornings which bear clear skies
when the sun completes its rise
sending light spears through the oaks tall
shadows appear on my den's wall.

Twigs', small limbs' and leaves' outline
even an occasional ivy vine
in lace like intricate detail
adorn a wall usually drab and pale.

But on mornings which have just a slight breeze
these still life shadows then unfreeze
and like a car put into drive
the kaleidoscope then comes alive.

So why can't we with just a nudge also
quit our ordinary life and grow
into more than we are now?
These shadows might just show us how.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

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Comments

Geezer

Geezer

7 years 10 months ago

Well, unless...

there is some kind of Zen lesson here, I don't know how these shadows are going to teach me how to live a different life. However; I am intrigued by the thought of them becoming animated with the breeze and providing a soothing, silent movie to enjoy. This is a nice, clear picture that I probably have witnessed many times on my own, yet hardly giving it a thought. Thanks for sharing. ~ Gee.
.

S

scribbler

7 years 10 months ago

Hmmm....Hmmm.....

I guess the fault in mine for being too obscure. I'd hoped to get the point across that it doesn't take a lot to change from our regular selves to something far better.I guess the sledge hammer approach works best for me lol........stan

Chiori

Chiori

7 years 10 months ago

I enjoyed this one

So why can't we with just a nudge also
quit our ordinary life and grow
into more than we are now?
These shadows might just show us how.
hmn, nice poem

S

scribbler

7 years 10 months ago

Hello

Welcome to neopoet. I appreciate your time to read and comment..........stan

Eumolpus

Eumolpus

7 years 9 months ago

your poem

Although I did not get all the intended meaning from your comments of what you set out to convey, I think it is good to take these risks when you're working with a "poetic symbol" , in this case the shadows.
In what is a poem with very nice nature images, my only comment is the introduction of this:

and like a car put into drive
the kaleidoscope then comes alive.

I can't see how the car in drive opens to a kaleidoscopic event. I would stay with nature like image to express this . (A flock of geese taking off for migration, a cheetah starting his chase, a cloud of butterflies emerging from the field, the sunflowers bursting from their stems , the clouds rushing to their shape shifting...??etc)

S

scribbler

7 years 9 months ago

Hi

As always it's good to see you drop by. A kaleidoscope is just an image until motion is introduced just as a car is just a hunk of metal until it is put into motion. But your suggestion of using something in nature instead of a car is sound and I'll see what I can come up with......stan

S

scribbler

7 years 9 months ago

Hi loved

The thing about neopoet is that being a workshop site improving on poems is not just allowed but expected

lovedly

lovedly

7 years 9 months ago

Yeah

lol first
then thanks
the rflol
4 me