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Feb 10, 2011
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Winged Hope Awakening
Swoosh, I hear wings glide
across my quiet spot near
babbling water along the creek.
I imagine
wise owls
limping along winter gray limbs
basking in first streaks of
sunlight,
collecting my vibes
gathering my pains
my joys
together for me
and sending them
to me revamped,
and wrapped with hope.
I stir out of
comfort to
face today
optimism blankets me.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
vexations10
14 years 5 months ago
I like it
Thanks for the title. Hope it is okay for me to use it.
Roscoe Lane
14 years 5 months ago
Mind Feathering ?
I have to agree with lonnie, it is a nice poem that deserves a good title. Hope this helps in some way. Regards Roscoe.
vexations10
14 years 5 months ago
Thanks
I appreciate the suggestion. I like it but have decided to go with Winged Hope Alive. The one Lonnie suggested. Hope you understand.
Candlewitch
14 years 5 months ago
hello
wise owls
crawling along winter gray limbs
For me, the imagery of this sentence is wrong. The word in particular that bothers me is "crawling" Maybe: stepping along winter gray limps, or inching along? I mostly enjoyed this:
and sending them
to me revamped,
and wrapped with hope.
As I stir out of
comfort to
face today
optimism blankets me.
Always, Cat
vexations10
14 years 5 months ago
Thanks
Your comment was “spot” on. Birds don’t crawl........
Kailashana2
14 years 5 months ago
just one conjunctive word:
just one conjunctive word:
I imagine
wise owls:
who
is crawling along winter gray limbs
etc.
and imo, lose the word *as*.
I stir out of comfort,
etc.
(Love the scene!)
vexations10
14 years 5 months ago
thanks
I think I am going to like this revised Neopoet. I like help. Your comments are always appreciated. Cheers, Bill
Will make that correction.