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Feb 10, 2011
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THE DELIVERY
I came to be inside of her
on a night of fun and laughter.
How long in here will I endure
or, upon exit, what comes after?
Nutrition causes me to grow
and her belly to swell
but I remain here even so
and get along quite well.
The longer that I stay inside
the bigger that I get.
When will I see the world outside?
In here it's getting tight and wet.
Now what was that ? A muscle cramp !
while she's in a big ol' crowd
no matter how hard she may clamp
ere long I'll leave and make her proud
A final push and now I'm out!
Onlookers aren't doing their part.
They gasp and giggle, even shout.
You'd think they'd never smelled a fart.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
scribbler
14 years 5 months ago
hey Lonnie
I expect rather than sing it trumpets lol. thanks for coming by................stan
scribbler
14 years 5 months ago
shirl
You should know better than to expect empathy from me lol. And I was unaware you had written a book............................stan
scribbler
14 years 5 months ago
book
Imagime that, an American writing about farts lol.............stan
Roscoe Lane
14 years 5 months ago
Great Write,
Absolutely
scribbler
14 years 5 months ago
delivery
Good to know I can still catch some folks by surprise. Thanks for the visit.......................scribbler
loved
14 years 5 months ago
HILLllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
airioiussssssssssssssssss
i thout a preznacy overcurring
scribbler
14 years 5 months ago
delivery
GOTCHA!!.................scribbler
Psyve
14 years 5 months ago
Stan,
That last line was a sucker-punch. Had to laugh out loud at the sudden change in meaning.
Like Shirley, I too thought you were going for a more conventional pregnancy.... :-)
The meter of this one fooled me for a while.... lines two and four were typically longer than I expected... till i realised what meter you were going for and its near perfect...
Nicely done.
Psyve
scribbler
14 years 5 months ago
hello Psyve
I like to get a laugh every once and a while . As to meter, I just try to write what sounds OK when read aloud. I appreciate your dropping by....................scribbler
Kailashana2
14 years 5 months ago
Stan the man, the proverbial
Stan the man, the proverbial *gotcha man*.
Men.... always giving birth to farts since he can't give birth to humans. ;-)
~A
scribbler
14 years 5 months ago
hellllooooo
Anna is so dainty
and learned in poetic art
hence it comes as no surprise
that she doesn't ever fart
She holds all her winds inside
till she comes to Neopoet
where she knows she'll be forgiven
every time she blows it.....................................lmao................scribbler
Kailashana2
14 years 5 months ago
Hehehehe.... now this is the
Hehehehe.... now this is the type of poem I love in * my honour*....thank you you're always a gentleman and a scholar.
Look out below! Thar she blows! She's a whale of a tale!
;-)
~A
did you notice the scribe jotting down some lines?
furiously uprooting the nouns and verbs for verses and curses
it's just like him to insert suppositions into the prepositions
and thereby guarantee to shrink the hemorrhoids of androids on steroids.
Love ya,
scribbler
14 years 5 months ago
lol
thought you might like it
scribbler
14 years 5 months ago
delivery
always good to bring a smile to a friend's face.......................stan
pleiades
14 years 5 months ago
sucked me in completely ..
sucked me in completely ...here i was thinking
what a sensitve guy, to be writing of a birth
the last line made me laugh out loud
took me a couple of reads to find all
the rhythm, but when i did ... great meter!
If your bottom burps in public
try to say in time,
"Good gracious me, what a whiff!
it doesn't smell like mine"
very funny mr s ...very clever
cheers
p
scribbler
14 years 5 months ago
greetings
I wear charcoal filtered drawers
so no one knows when my ass snores lol
good of you to come by and glad you got a laugh........................scribbler