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Feb 13, 2011
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The Primordial earth is parched
And scorched by lust
Brittle dreams crushed
Lurching toward disaster .
Homo Sapiens abandoning
love and humanity for
The idolatry of false gods
And adoration of money.
Questionable morality
If you believe the news
Fame at all costs
Fantasists ,
society on the edge.
Kids who want maximum gain
For little or no effort.
Spoiled beyond recognition.
But consider all the good
The love of family
Those who hold out a hand
to the lost in war torn countries
mans capacity for friendship and trust
Faith in humanity, is the only way
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
lou
14 years 5 months ago
Jayne
Thank you, i've taken another look and changed beginnging aswell as the ending.
love lou
Kailashana2
14 years 5 months ago
Sounds a little *preachy* to
Sounds a little *preachy* to me. Can you tone that done a bit?
All in all, a worthy effort in looking into the heart of what is the matter.
Thanks Lou.
~A
lou
14 years 5 months ago
Anna
You could call it preachy, on the hand you could see as calling it as i see it. I prefer the latter.
i think it's pitched about where i was aiming.
Thanks.
Lou
mand
14 years 5 months ago
Hi Lou
Love this poem, love the structure and honesty.
The Primordial earth is parched
And scorched by lust
Brittle dreams crushed
Lurching toward disaster .
Homo Sapiens abandoning
love and humanity for
The idolatry of false gods
And adoration of money.
Questionable morality
These stanza's are spot on - this is the state of humanity.
The last stanza is positive - there are those who help and have the desire to better things.
You are very caring and sensitive to human nature!
Love Mand xxxxxx
lou
14 years 5 months ago
Mand
Thank you, that's very kind of you.
love lou
ziggy
14 years 5 months ago
hi louise
I know I have seen this somewhere before maybe you sent
it to me at some stage as I remember and really like these
lines ,,,,,,
"The Primordial earth is parched
And scorched by lust
Brittle dreams crushed
Lurching toward disaster .
Homo Sapiens abandoning
love and humanity for
The idolatry of false gods
And adoration of money.
Questionable morality",,,,,,,,,really well worded ,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs
lou
14 years 5 months ago
HI Enda
I wrote a version of this on old Neo, I have updated it by adding the last stanza.
thanks
lou
Candlewitch
14 years 5 months ago
Dearest Lou,
...and it seems like it just keeps on getting worse. My heart is as heavy as this write. My favorite lines are:
But consider all the good
The love of family
Those who hold out a hand
to the lost in war torn countries
mans capacity for friendship and trust
Faith in humanity, is the only way
I'm glad your poem ends on a note of hope! I have no suggestions.
love, Cat
lou
14 years 5 months ago
Cat
Thank you so much
Love lou