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Feb 14, 2011
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SHE'S WITH HIM??
You're the last frost flower of the fall
the first daffodil in early spring
a clear bell's ring that summons all
the sound of crickets when they sing.
I know that I'm not "all that"
and far from anybody's prize.
I'm old and lame and kind of fat.
Very ordinary in most eyes.
And yet each day I come awake
surprised to find that you're still here
so once again I can partake
of the vision which I hold so dear.
So there must still be a bit of me
from the days of youth long past
that only love-blind eyes can see
when in my direction cast.
for Susan
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
mand
14 years 5 months ago
Hi Stan
Sorry I haven't commented on your poem for awhile! unsual family responsibilities etc. This is an enchanting poem - She's with him because he is a hopless romantic that is besotted with her.
I enjoyed the honesty ( stanza 2 ) the romance ( stanza's 1 and 3 ) and feeling a love that has grown and matured over time ( stanza 4 ).
I think Susan will love it!
Thank you for sharing Stan.
Love Mand xxxxxxx
scribbler
14 years 5 months ago
hello mand
I figured you had been away for personal reasons. No need to apologize lol. I printed out the poem and gave it to her. For some reason it made her cry........................stan
Kailashana2
14 years 5 months ago
Shit. This is so freakin'
Shit. This is so freakin' beautifully sentimental I have tears in my eyes, Stan.
lol.
Happy Valentines Day to you and Susan. (And Mand!)
~A
scribbler
14 years 5 months ago
anna
Why is everyone crying??? I didn't think it was That bad.............................scribbler
Kailashana2
14 years 5 months ago
Folling on the floor.....
Folling on the floor..... with laughter and maudlin sentimentality that shoots an arrow straight to one's heart.... I love when that happens.
Hugs to you and your lady for this inspired write.
~A
p.s. I got no poem. Sniff.
scribbler
14 years 5 months ago
poem
poor ol' Anna got no write
on this day for lovers
what she receives will be tonight
beneath the warm bed covers............lol.............stan
loved
14 years 5 months ago
BEAUTIFUL STOP, BEAUTIFUL STOP,
BEAUTIFUL STOP. STOP .STOP .
OK HALT
BEAUTIFUL THIS .....URS
scribbler
14 years 5 months ago
greetings loved
I'm glad you enjoyed this...........................scribbler
loved
14 years 5 months ago
ur happiness
is my command
urs for me
thanks u scribble so well
i wish u had been
a soccer player
as well
scribbler
14 years 5 months ago
him
Thank you. I think that line needs some work also and will let it set a few days to come up with something that flows a bit better...........scribbler
Nordic cloud
14 years 5 months ago
My love to you both Stan.
"allowing me once more to partake
of the vision which I hold so dear"
What about... let me now once more partake
of the vision I hold so dear?
My love to you both Stan-Ann.
scribbler
14 years 5 months ago
greetings
Thank you for the suggestion and read. I'll try to polish this up in a few days...............stan
scribbler
14 years 5 months ago
she's
Thank you Rosi. Susan said she liked it but cried anyhow. I think I'll need to write next poem for her in a humorous manner..................stan oops!........almost forgot to wish you and all a happy valentines
scribbler
14 years 5 months ago
him
must be the core because it can't be the worn out shell lol......................stan
scribbler
14 years 5 months ago
hey
you are never late lol. Good to have you come by at any time...................stan
Psyve
14 years 5 months ago
Stan,
This was just SO very well written.
It reminded me that I am not alone in wondering this.... many men are.
We realise, albeit with a growing sense of wonderment, that by some happy perchance, this beautiuful, vivacious, intelligent person, who has shared our lives for so long, is either blind to our maudlin mediocrity or (wonders will never cease! ) loves us enough to accept what we are and what we have become, perhaps because of a memory of what we once might have been...
A terrific write.
Belated Happy Valentines to you and Susan.
Psyve
P.S. : Something about the sentiment of this song reminded me of Eric Clapton's "Wonderful Tonight" and Chris DeBurgh's "Lady in Red".
P.
scribbler
14 years 5 months ago
him
how could any woman love one of us hairy uncouth men? lol. I am pleased you came by.................stan