Afternoon Nap

Once again you have provided a magic touch in your own inimitable way while letting the poem craft by itself through some kind of internal mechanism which transforms imagination and vision into words...great job....

as for the title i am not sure because the poem walks the reader through the events preceding the afternoon nap / siesta....having said that you may be able to tell us why you feel it is appropriate..i am just sharing my thoughts...

much love and regards,

How about these titles:-

Two Way Glass
Watching Through My Window Pane

Regards..

And wonder where the hell you are at, And I love this about your poem. Questioning, almost as a right, with the furrowing dark and cold outside, foreign to this soil, your place in the world. Only two things, you could easily condense the first two stanzas into one, and the birds as symbols of freedom, love it, but try something like:

Birds, that wing free of the dig mud,
Softened by spring..

Only my suggestion, not your words at all. Just my take, a suggestion - a softening. I do love this piece, keep going.

Take care,

Chris.

I love the way you moved from the external influences, to internal, and then to the internal thoughts of the author. Very smooth almost melodic with the purr of the cat. Thank you and now I think I will have a nap. Who cares if it is still morning?

I read your piece and listened to the voice recording.
To me there were spaces that seemed to need filling, I know this would make the poem a lot longer.
There it would give a fuller picture of what was going on.
Being out and about seeing things as winter struggled to hold on, there a whole world, but to me from the two view points one from your room, the other out there where you had been walking or running.
Two poems one of raw weather, and effects the other of sitting there blanket on lap drinking the moment of the suns reflection or its struggle to pierce the trees, the dust dancing in your room, where the mirrors tried to hold the glow.
Visions of a moment in time.
"dig in the mud soften by spring" this line needs to be softened lol.
I loved all you have done I am just giving you a wider lens to see.
Love to you as always and great to walk with you,
I shall need a Zimmer frame if we have to go out again ,
Yours Ian..xx

your poetry just flows like the MISSISSIPPI
that's why I like it
have a nap along the flowing river
life is a flowing river
it often meanders
many times it corners into edges
as if one is wanting naps's
like you also do
poetry flows within and from you.
How do you so do
me too

(And its beating heart
I am an evil poet
With scalpel and worn down journal)

Ha ha ha
I am joking*

MOODIFIED.....
I THOUGHT you did not like it,
no response

Nothing like the tiredness after a walk in the forest. Then the afternoon nap which sneaks up and fuzzes thoughts just prior to sleep. Now a few typos : S-1, L-5. I'm uncertain about this but should the sun shine through your roof? Of course you might be talking about the forset canopy in which care please ignore this . S-3, Line 1. Creek not creeck, S-4, L-2 softened not soften, S-4, L-3 birds "are" not "is", Hope that's not too harsh. Now that next to last line. At first read I thought it being kinda jumbled was a problem but I read it again and realized it was that way on purpose. Mirroring the way thoughts jumble just as sleep grabs us. Enjoyed the poem...........stan

addressed the issue of through the roofs, I will start with the halfs-. Two halfs so close together, kind makes one blink, like one had jumped back to the same line again. Maybe try [melting] snow? I think I understand the next to last line; "What was lived, is had been lived", but would like to see it a bit clearer. Like maybe, "What was done, is done". I know it is a bit cliche, but at least more readily understandable. ~ Geezer.
.

One of the highest achievements, to say so much in a plainly understated way.
Not sure about
"Birds, symbols of freedom,
dig in the mud softened by spring". It could be a tad heavy handed, perhaps lightened by changing dig to digging.

I realised on listening that I made a small change to the text. It was an accident but I like it, see what you think.

https://vocaroo.com/i/s1yAuCLo2DgU