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pointless_writer
Feb 18, 2018 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

FAKE SMILE

Only few can tell if a smile is fake,
An empty smile is easy to create,
You simply move a muscle and there you go,
A deceiving mask to make sure no one knows,

See a frown can ruin someone's day,
Set an unhappy mood to their dismay,
So put on you're fake smile,
Pretend your okay,
No one should know you feel this way,

Keep to your self, your fake smile is your shield,
Wouldn't want your true emotions to be revealed,
So remember an empty
smile is easy to create,
Few can tell if a smile is fake...

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Ireland

Favorite Poets: Sarah Kay

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

Geezer

7 years 5 months ago

I would...

try to firm up the lines a bit and use less words to convey the same meaning.

"Few can tell if your smile is fake
An empty smile is easy to make
Little muscles make it so
A mask to hide what you don't know." Jus an example of what you can do with fewer words. Hope this helps!
~ Geezer.
.

R

raj

7 years 5 months ago

In recent times i have been

In recent times i have been hearing a lot being tweeted labelled Fake News..and here you have written a poem about Fake Smile. I believe you could have added something about benefits if any of a Fake Smile or what is making people use a fake smile instead of the preferred beautiful natural smile...just my personal opinion...

Regards...

S

scribbler

7 years 5 months ago

Hmmm....Hmmm.....

there are some changed I'd make had I written this but I didn't lol. However in Stanza 2 line1 "someone's" , stanza 2 line 2 "their" Stanza 2 line 4 "you're" , just a few grammaticals you can easily clean up........stan

Eumolpus

Eumolpus

7 years 5 months ago

I like your poem

Please be so kind as to scroll down on the homepage, you'll see a poem I just posted called "The Smile" I had a different take on these involuntary smiles we share, but mine was directed at the crowd, not people near to me. (and the difference with chilren's smiling) So Your poem makes me consider the "fake" smile we often show, or surely others show us. Makes me think there are distinctions- the fake smile we share with others in public, on the elevator, on line to pay...this smile is not personal... and the smile we may show people near us which hides our true feelings at the moment. Both are somewhat "fake" while at the same time being just being human. Smiling is away to finish a conversation about something after all...what's there to add?
I also considered once we each have a certain smile we use somewhat universally. LIke posing when the cameraman says "smile." Mine seems to be the same for well over half a century in all the pictures..but of sorrow, there are so many masks and different faces, no two alike.

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pointless_writer

7 years 4 months ago

i agree with your outlook.

i agree with your outlook. This poems highlights taht not all we see is truthful and taht we hid our feelings more often then not . ill be sure to check out your poem 'the smile'.

weirdelf

weirdelf

7 years 4 months ago

I must disagree on a basic principle here

I think fake smiles are easy to detect. Even if we don't consciously think 'that is a fake smile' we feel uncomfortable when we see one. People are very sensitive to unspoken communication through eyes and body language.

This poem puts me in mind of when asked 'How are you?' and people respond 'I'm fine', when they clearly aren't. In that case fine is an acronym for Fuckedup Insecure Neurotic and Emotional [real smile]

I like this poem.

oops, one of your revisions created an error where there wasn't one
So put on you're fake smile, [your was correct, you're is short for you are]
be careful when reacting to people's suggestions, they aren't always right.

Also you changed the title to all caps, that is not necessary.