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Mar 20, 2018
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Now
Moving up
on the escalator
climbing the steep stairs
the same way I did ten years ago,
I feel the same burning sensation in my muscles.
But I breathe deeper
and don't care to rush anymore.
I look at the metal comb
at the edge of the step and I see it.
I listen to a foreign tongue conversation
and I hear it.
I smell fresh paint and enjoy the feeling.
My posture is straight.
I smile back to people.
The goal now is not to get to the top,
not to fight my pain
and pretend I am not out of breath
but to walk up step by step.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
IRiz
7 years 4 months ago
Mark,
Mark,
I am glad my simple lines inspired you to write your suggestions.
I wonder how could you conclude that I want to stop walking. It was not my intention.
Thank you.
raj
7 years 4 months ago
IRiz
To me this poem is more about introspection or self appraisal whatever one may call it sort of a course correction in a flight...in this case your journey as a poet...this is evidenced in your engaging not only in scientific research but also researching in the poetic domain by thinking out of box and coming up with Sunku.....
.................................
IRiz
7 years 4 months ago
Big thank you, my friend.
Big thank you, my friend.
fink555
7 years 3 months ago
This
definitely has a jagged immediacy to it that hits you as soon as you read the images. It can be hard to produce that, mired as poets and writers must by necessity be in abstraction.
IRiz
7 years 3 months ago
Thank you for reading.
Thank you for reading.
I was not thinking about abstract images.
In this particular poem I was trying to be as simple and direct as possible, describing my new self as I see it in comparison with a few years ago. Sometimes objects or circumstances trigger my memories of younger self and work as refference points.
The poem follows Zen principles, simplicity, focus on the current moment and incompleteness.