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Apr 12, 2018
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Making a fire
From ashes of lost love
and bleak autumn tears
she has built a shelter,
where the chilled rain,
as it caresses the brook,
is her only companion.
The rusty mix of colors,
dulled leaves in decline,
speaks well of her heart.
Breathing from her soul
she makes one last spark,
and the campfire is lit.
It cannot keep her warm
it’s just so lovely to look at.
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
trekker
7 years 3 months ago
Making a Fire
Welcome to Neopoet it is always good to hear from someone new. I too am from the Netherlands but not in my lifetime. One of my mothers was from Friesland and my father was from another region. I like your piece and can feel the flow which is done nicely. I am looking to seeing more. Well done.
trekker
tyro
7 years 3 months ago
thanks, Trekker for the
thanks, Trekker for the welcome. I live many years in Amsterdam, but am originally from New Orleans,
Sparrow
7 years 3 months ago
Tyro
Welcome to Neo and as your first write it was good, great descriptive lines.
Hope you enjoy your stay with us, and I look forward to more of your pieces,
Yours, Ian..
tyro
7 years 3 months ago
thanks for your interest, and
thanks for your interest, and encouragement, Sparrow
raj
7 years 3 months ago
Welcome Tyro to Neopoet
I liked your poem which begins with a heartbreak...flows through with emotional turmoil and ends with hope...
Keep writing more..
............................................................
chevyvent
7 years 3 months ago
Welcome Tyro
I liked the poem filled with vivid emotions really good you know very nicely done
tyro
7 years 3 months ago
raj and Mario, thanks for
raj and Mario, thanks for your comments on the emotionality of the piece.
Rula
7 years 3 months ago
Helloooo tyro
and a warm welcome to Neopoet.
A v. emotional piece indeed, and though has that dark sound I like it because it reflects what life is... Life is never always whit, grey and black are there too, aren't they?
Welcome again and thanks for sharing.
tyro
7 years 3 months ago
Thank you Rula for your warm
Thank you Rula for your warm welcome and comments on the poem
weirdelf
7 years 2 months ago
I think this poem is quite extraordinary, Tyro!
Your mixture of sadness, practicality, hope, and beauty is so subtle and intermixed it is... crikey I don't want to sound over the top but I think it's brilliant.
You have achieved with gentle subtlety a beauty and emotional range so few can do with hammers, nails and glue-guns.
I really look forward to more of your work and your feedback to others.