Stalking Eyes [Limerick]

a babe with a pleasing roll
was out on a teasing stroll
headed for a pub
but turned to a club
to slither on a dancing pole

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

Comments

weirdelf

7 years 2 months ago

Excellent, Raj!

traditionally the third and fourth lines are shorter and add a different slant to the joke.
Perhaps something like-
but a nasty thug
slipped her a drug
and she found herself slithering a pole

raj

7 years 2 months ago

Thanks Jess

for the visit and pointing out that line 3 & 4 need to be shorter. I have complied to that requirement and hope this now fits the bill.

thanks too for suggesting a change which is also very good but that would make the fifth line a tagd longer..
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weirdelf

7 years 2 months ago

much better

see what I mean by it being a strict and structurally humorous form?

Now are you ready to take the challenge to write one that is deadly serious?

raj

7 years 2 months ago

Jess

do you mean serious limerick? I will definitely take up that challenge..
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