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Apr 28, 2018
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Mug in a Coffee Mug
I woke with a start in a coffee mug
with a spoon tinkling me awake
it was time to add a bit of sugar
before milk in my mug got stale
when jets of steam tore through me
they rumbled through my guts
made me go down on my knees
so they won't hiss on my nuts
I rose to the brim on bubbly top
jumping out of the brim in time
landing myself in a coffee shop
for no good reason or rhyme
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
tyro
7 years 2 months ago
This is a flowing, playful
This is a flowing, playful romp, with sparkling music and surprising images throughout.
I very much enjoyed it, thank you.
raj
7 years 2 months ago
Thanks Tyro
for reading and enjoying. In fact I wrote this as fun and also to practice rhyme and meter, areas which I am not good at....
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mand
7 years 2 months ago
Out of the box ( or mug )
This is a fun write Raj - especially the second stanza. Interesting seeing things from a different point of view - rhyming was good in the second two stanza's - first stanza was free write. ( I'm guessing that was intentional. :)
Fun to read - fun to visualize! Made me laugh :)
Thanks for sharing!
Love Mand xxx
raj
7 years 2 months ago
Hey there Mand!
What a pleasant surprise to see you popping up here after a pretty long time. Good to know I made you laugh with this fun write.
Good to see you again friend..
warmly...
mand
7 years 2 months ago
Yes quite elusive
Will "try" to be more active - humble apologies. :)
and guess what! I'm out this afternoon, wont be home 'til around 4.00pm to which I'll probably have to do some housework. ( family are home while I'm out ). Shhheeshhhh! Lol xxxxxx
valene
7 years 2 months ago
oh dear, raj...
...stick to what you know best, whatever.
it reads like your life depended upon it, but you knew you were gonna be shot anyway, lol.
could do better, as me bastard head would say whilst punching me in the stomach.
eph x
raj
7 years 2 months ago
Hello
sorry but couldn't understand what was meant by the comment...anyways thanks for taking time to read it...if you liked it fine...if not I can't help..
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valene
7 years 2 months ago
my supine potion...
...i am politely saying you need to look inside yourself much deeper.
your imagination is stuck in a net.
eph x
raj
7 years 2 months ago
Val/Eph
As is said "to each his own" ..I am not offended by your opinion or comment
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valene
7 years 2 months ago
then go deal with it...
...as best you see fit.
good luck.
eph x
raj
7 years 2 months ago
Thanks but no thanks...
Thanks but no thanks....everyone does as he/she deems fit...looks like you are hooked on this "eph" thing...:)
valene
7 years 2 months ago
let's get you to the top of the page
if only for a moment.
eph x
raj
7 years 2 months ago
thanks but no thanks...if my
thanks but no thanks...if my poem deserves it would catch the eye..not fishing for complements friend...
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IRiz
7 years 2 months ago
It is one of my favorite
It is one of my favorite among your poems so far.
The flow and the image made me feel inside the coffee mug.
I enjoyed your write very much, dear poet.
raj
7 years 2 months ago
Thanks IRiz
for taking time to visit this page...comments from learned poets like you are like tonic....good to know you enjoyed the poem
Thanks again..
lovedly
7 years 2 months ago
one has to be a lady killer raj
which you happen to be
I have observed ever so often
across the Internet
Go have coffee
at times you use words
too sexy
may be
unknowingly
you are dealing with the Western World
and
here all gals know
what are nuts
and
down on the knees
tc
the world is sexy
'''''''made me go down on my knees
so they won't hiss on my nuts''''
hiss or was it miss!!!
weak eyes
often misread
raj
7 years 2 months ago
Thanks Lovedly
for your read