lou

Feb 18, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Soul Seeker's Fate

Soul seeker's fate

A surreal trip through a hall of mirrors
Distorted irrevocably warped,
visions of the elephant man.

Distended frame ,bowed and bent
Wizened creature life force spent
Vile technician of pain.

Ripping hearts and souls usunder
Dancing on graves,
The Soul Seeker on the attack.

Bitter denizen of the shadows
Sucker of the vital vein.
Rejuvenation of the youth he lacks

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: West London, GBR

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda , Jack Kerouac, Alan Ginsberg, D.H Lawrence, Jim Morrison's lyrics,

Comments

Geezer

14 years 5 months ago

Just a couple...

of minor tweaks. 6.1 has a space where there shouldn't be any. [usunder]
And denizen needs not be capitalised. Nicely done, but needs a little more suspense. ~ Gee

lou

14 years 5 months ago

Gee

Thanks ill look at it.

Which parts of the poem do not work in your opinion ?

lou

14 years 5 months ago

Hi

thank you

lou

14 years 5 months ago

Shirley

Good thought but i i prefer the title i'm using.

thank you for your help though

lou

Candlewitch

14 years 4 months ago

Dear Lou,

I really do like the premise for this piece. This is one bad-assed dude! But I agree with Sir Gee that more suspense would be nice. my favs:

Ripping hearts and souls usunder
Dancing on graves,
The Soul Seeker on the attack.

Bitter denizen of the shadows
Sucker of the vital vein.
Rejuvenation of the youth he lacks

Love ya,

Cat (and eddy!)

lou

14 years 4 months ago

Cat (and Eddy)

Thank you, the soul seeker is a fallen angel, and the protagonist of my novel.

Much Love Lou

KINGZOMBIE

14 years 4 months ago

You were correct

I enjoyed this quite a bit and found it to be quite dark and surreal.Thanks for sharing it, its right up my ally;-)

lou

14 years 4 months ago

KINGZOMBIE

Thanks

lou