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May 21, 2018
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Planting Hope
As I wake up
I need to refill
the morning glass of hope
to back me through
the long day's turmoil.
so I decided
to plant a rose
blooming with prayers.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
raj
7 years 2 months ago
good positive thought put in
good positive thought put in these short verse form.
just wondering if Seeding Hope would be a good title...i couldn't understand why you prefized your itle with # as too these $#t suffixing Line 3
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Rula
7 years 1 month ago
Just a thought
dear raj. Sometimes such thoughts urge you to scribble them down no matter how trivial they are. This one was just one of these and this is exactly how every word was heard in my head.
Always appreciate your dear thoughts.
Many thanks.
Rula
7 years 1 month ago
I replaced the $#t to turmoil
I replaced the $#t to turmoil. Hope it reads better now.
raj
7 years 1 month ago
Hi again Rula
Your poem is lovely and has a good soft feel.
I wish to point out that in the first stanza Line 1 and Line 4 are not in sync. I mean line 1 speaks about waking waking up whereas line 4 is about end of the day turmoil. In that context you may need to bring them in sync. Hope you know what I mean. I thought worthy of sharing this with you
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Rula
7 years 1 month ago
Thank you
again raj!
I did some few edits. Any better?
raj
7 years 1 month ago
Rula
Yes the revised version is spot on. A small tweak did the trick :)
Just curious..was this inspired by what you may have read in the Koran?
Warmly...
Rula
7 years 1 month ago
Raj
much appreciate the time and your continued priceless visits.
As for the last line perhaps, "blooming with prayers", as an idea is yes it is in the holy Qura'an as everything has its pray, man, plants and animals... etc. Hence came the idea.
Thank you dear friend.
gregwa8
7 years 1 month ago
I really like this. a playful
I really like this. a playful way to express the hardships of life and the peace of refilling.
Rula
7 years 1 month ago
Thank you greg
Very happy to know that you've found something in this one. Your visit means a lot
lovedly
7 years 1 month ago
the morning glass of hope
good
keep it brimming
with all your desire and hope
and
by evening it doesn't all end up in smoke
just we all,as much as you do must also
HOPE
Great feelings for a new arising
Rula Ma'am
reading your poetry
is like viewing through
a kaleidoscope
all we HOPE
Rula
7 years 1 month ago
Thank you Loved
I really appreciate your passing by and the kind words.