Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
PTSD (May contest)
Sitting in this gritty hell
sandbags piled around fox hole
as rising moon begins to swell.
I'm dug in like a great big mole.
Not far away sit some good friends
they are about as safe as me
hoping we'll have peaceful ends.
I wish I could see just one tree.
Suddenly a fiery line
leaps out from a nearby dune
then explodes ending its flight's whine.
Peaceful vigil ends too soon.
Blurs of men glimpsed in the dark
as the attack begins in earnest
They come in flickers like a snark
their bayonets are sharp and burnished.
And the noise the deafening noise
explosions, gunfire, torn men's screams
bodies tossed about like toys
reality lost so it seems.
Then a fire trail in the night
ends nearby where friends are firing back.
I can't turn from the gory sight
of limbs flying through the black.
And my finger fires again
no idea if rife hits
anyone who killed my friend.
I yearn to tear the foe to bits.
Then suddenly another missile trail
coming toward, no right at me
among bullets striking thick as hail
as a ball of fire engulfs me............
I waken to my own scream's sound
panting in a sweat soaked bed.
looking for enemy all around
seeing just the night instead.
They say that time will dull the dreams
but nothing will quiet dead men's screams.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
gregwa8
7 years 1 month ago
a vivid picture of a life
a vivid picture of a life forever changed. thanks for writing.
scribbler
7 years 1 month ago
In a way
This could be considered a tribute to Lonnie who until his recent passing suffered the effects of the Vietnam war. But there are still many living who are also victims although they seldom show it
Rula
7 years 1 month ago
Hello Stan
did you mean
I year(n) to tear the foe to bits
I especially liked the paradox of (dead man's screams( in the closing couplets.
Thanks for sharing.
scribbler
7 years 1 month ago
What?
ME make a typo??? lol. I make enough of them when at my peak so having friends keeping an eye out for them now is a blessing.....off to recheck and edit......stan
raj
7 years 1 month ago
Hi Stan
Considering that you are not yet fully fit...your spirit of coming up with this dream sequence is laudable. I am sure you will be cleaning up the typos one of which has been pointed out by Rula.
Are not eligible for participating in the contest which is why you have not put up this poem in the contest?
.........................................................................................................................................................
scribbler
7 years 1 month ago
Hi raj
Wonder how long I'll be able to blame surgery for bad writing lol. I think I just cleaned this up a bit and just plain forgot to hit the contest tab (but you are correct that I'm ineligible to win anyway)
Geezer
7 years 1 month ago
Never have seen...
the word snark before, I had to go look it up. Great use of the word! I felt the terror in the sweat soaked sheets and the sudden awakening. ~ Gee.
.
scribbler
7 years 1 month ago
Hi Gee
Snark, quarks and bogus are all fun to use. I hope the day will come when no more people waken in a terrified cold sweat..........stan
Seren
7 years 1 month ago
Hi Bro
This is the 3rd or 4th poem ive read for the competition. I am very glad I'm not judging it. It would be a true task. I think you have taken the subject matter to nearly its zenith. Well done. Frightening to think there are poor souls out there who live like this.
Kudos
Love J xxx
scribbler
7 years 1 month ago
Hi Jayne
The good thing about a judge running across a contest entry of mine is he/she doesn't have to worry about judging it as I'm not eligible to win any contests lol. But you're right, this month's entries are all excellent.........stan