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May 31, 2018
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WARMTH
Cover my trunk,
I would have it warm.
The mother carries
For nine months.
The bird sits her eggs.
Why not then want warmth
Life springs from there;
Do not buds unfold in beauty,
Within earth's warm arms.!
So, cover my bosom
My vitals lodge there,
My instinct and my heart
And though the brain
Parades upon the neck,
Within its cranium cave;
It is in the bosom
My mind finds warmth.
So cover my trunk
I would have it warm.
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
raj
7 years 1 month ago
Hi tyro
"warmth" has a physical as well as an emotional state...your poem is weaved around the emotional state and has that soft feel...if i may suggest, do you think it would be good to say "I would [love] it warm" as also "my vitals [reside] there?
i liked the texture, substance and flow of this poem....and it surely exudes warmth
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tyro
7 years 1 month ago
thanks raj
thanks raj
"your poem is weaved around the emotional state"
Yes, that is what it is about, saying feeling is warmer than thought.
raj
7 years 1 month ago
good to know tyro that I read
good to know tyro that I read it right..and felt it too...
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scribbler
7 years 1 month ago
Hi
Matters not how hot the fire one sits beside if there is no warmth in the heart.
gregwa8
7 years 1 month ago
really like the line/concept:
really like the line/concept: "cover my bosom, my vitals lodged there, my instinct and my heart," which is central to the poem, and the idea of covering your "trunk." i think the poem could benefit from fleshing out the tree metaphor a little bit more in it.
IRiz
7 years 1 month ago
It sounds good. But the
It sounds good. But the choice of words sounds too anatomical to me.
Maybe it is okay, but strange to my taste.
tyro
7 years 1 month ago
thanks scribbler
thanks scribbler
I fully agree:
"Matters not how hot the fire one sits beside if there is no warmth in the heart."
tyro
7 years 1 month ago
thanks for the reply gregwa8
thanks for the reply gregwa8
"my vitals lodged there, my instinct and my heart," which is central to the poem,"
here you are absolutely right, but trunk is meant in the sense of torso.
tyro
7 years 1 month ago
Hi IRiz
Hi IRiz
its also a bit strange to me. One of those that comes out of nowhere.