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May 31, 2018
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Stressed to the max
Not knowing why
Feeling the ax
Wanting to cry
Weird happening news
The message you send
From my point of view
I can’t see the end
Wanting to help
Save you from harm
Tighten my belt
Hold on to my arm
The blind lead the blind
With much tapping of canes
Just get in line
We’ll both go insane
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
raj
7 years 1 month ago
To me Geezer you have created
To me Geezer you have created a sense of helplessness, resignation and realism through these verses which rhyme well in the poem and with the situations...
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Geezer
7 years 1 month ago
Thank you raj...
It is exactly what I was trying for. My son suffers from anxiety/depression and there are times when I have a feeling of helplessness in trying to be a positive influence on him. In thinking about my feelings about not being able to help him much, I realized that what he feels must be significantly deeper and worse. It is realism! Thank you for the read and comments. ~ Geezer.
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raj
7 years 1 month ago
best wishes to you Geezer,
best wishes to you Geezer, your son and family..
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Geezer
7 years 1 month ago
Thank you raj...
It is kind of you to wish us well.~Geezer.
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lovedly
7 years 1 month ago
Don't axe him
message you send
may be messages you send
or /else
message you sent
in the context of your life the son
may he get better
give him more love and affection
than medicine
which of course must be a must
Geezer
7 years 1 month ago
No axe...
from me, but he lost his job, [he got the axe]. A metaphor. I'll think about your suggestions. Thank you for the good wishes.~ Geezer.
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lovedly
7 years 1 month ago
your exasperation
made me feel he was like ADHD and young
Glad he isn't
To maintain a job one needs
diligence patience and confidence
muchly more than himself
in his or her boss
they hold the
red herring
as well as the AXE
who gets what
search me
okay them i
ts a moderna era
one of ego and aura
Eumolpus
7 years 1 month ago
in a short poem
it takes little to get distracted. I read "ax" and immediately was drawn away from the poem, and could not find my way back. I thought maybe you were either headed for a beheading or having a lover dump you (give you the ax) . If the poem was about your son and his condition, why hide behind the poem, why not make it accessible to the reader? after several reads, i could not grasp the intent, the subject of this poem. I never could figure out the "you".
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Geezer
7 years 1 month ago
The "stressed to the max"
covers my son's anxiety attacks. He doesn't know why they come or from where. One minute he is fine, the next, he is worried that something bad is about to happen or that he has done something wrong. He has memory lapses and forgets what he is doing. He " got the ax" [lost his job], because of this and he has some health problems that have made him lose a lot of time from work. I get calls from him in the middle of the night, just wanting someone to talk to. I feel like I have to tighten my belt and give more attention to him than I have of late. Sometimes he forgets why he called me and tells me something about something he has seen or heard during the day and I have to try to piece together what he is telling me his concerns are. That is the "you" The last part is about me trying to lead him and protect him "Blind leading the blind" And me wanting to see what he sees; [We'll both go insane].
Eumolpus
7 years 1 month ago
herein lies the poem
Your very moving comments should be crafted into a poem. You have the craft. There is a lot of meanings and poetic moments you can achieve from a poem which both tells us the story of your son.
Think of how Silvia Plath was able to do this- write personal and universal at the same time. As I suggested, too many poets in my opinion hide behind the poem...why? If you are able to talk about it then there is a poem that can be made. From the current poem this reader gets none of your intent from this poem, it becomes an abstraction. My take.
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IRiz
7 years 1 month ago
Looks like a poem about your
Looks like a poem about your character loosing someone very close to the illness or blindness or something unexpectedly affecting the person.
It is very emotional poem with feverish rhythmic flow. It took my attention, keeping me tense untill last stanza which I read as the readiness of your character to accept and share the fate of his friend.
Great write. Emotionally true and complex.
Geezer
7 years 1 month ago
Read my reply...
to Eumolpus and you will see what the poem is about. You do have it somewhat right. Thanks for the read and comment. ~ Geezer.
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lovedly
7 years 1 month ago
when guys --mostly gals are nearish 30
they fear to become schizophrenic
and suffer from anxiety neurosis (at times) mostly 12 th borns
so a good psycho could come
to you and his help
may be
seek one
if its not only an insecure poem
may this vision be of some help
even dementia in young ones
is not strange these days
Rula
7 years 1 month ago
reading the comments
have you consulted any doctors? It could be diagnosed as Alzheimer's onset. Sorry to say it but yes, sometimes it starts so early ( fifties or even esrlier).There might be a chance to do something to help him.
Geezer
7 years 1 month ago
He has seen...
some doctors and they haven't made a diagnosis yet, still have appointments to make and go to. The possibility has been put forth that he has early onset Alzheimer's, but it's not likely. They are suggesting it is a chemical imbalance and there are more tests to be done. Thank you for your concern, ~ Geezer.
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