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R
raj
Jun 22, 2018 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

/\/\/\/\/\ [Unpoetic]

My thoughts don't walk straight line
they thrive on electrolytes
to purge the calm
transporting me into
asymmetrical zigzags

I prefer an elixir
to be bitter sweet
than bland

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

More from this author

Comments

IRiz

IRiz

7 years ago

hello Raj

hello Raj

my thoughts don't walk a straight line
[shortest distance between two points] --- I think the definition is not necessary

a tinge of salt, a bit of sugar, ---- sugar is a bad electrolyte, salt is sufficient
make a good electrolyte ----- electrolyte is a beautiful word, but it can't modulate distance,
modulating the distance
in a zigzag line ------ if you say zigzag alone is sufficient

Maybe something like that?

My thoughts don't walk straight line.
Tears, a bit of salt and sugar,
make good electrolytes,
destruct the perfect calm
and force me into
turmoils of asymmetrical zigzags.

R

raj

7 years ago

thanks IRiz for finding time

thanks IRiz for finding time to visit this page...read and critique...i appreciate it....i will ponder over what you have suggested while doing the edits...

did you like the theme?
......................................................................

R

raj

7 years ago

thanks IRiz for reviewing the

thanks IRiz for reviewing the changes...some prompted [not imposed] by you...
.............................................................................

R

raj

7 years ago

please don't mention...my

please don't mention...my pleasure friend IRiz...
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