Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Jun 28, 2018
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Trips and Chirps
As sparrows trip to my window sill
and chirp before the sun is up,
I feel then like I'd let my quill
to fill with music my morning's cup.
So soft and sweet, with tender tweet
they touch my heart with a special joy,
and no matter how is down the beat,
the tweets are sure to pack up the coy.
The melodies grow to magical tunes,
till unfurls the sun on the sandy dunes.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Rula
7 years ago
Mark
much appreciate the read and your tweets ^_^
Have editted that "dune" thing. Hope it fweets better now ;)
raj
7 years ago
Hi Rula
a very sweet poem is this I would say...the title is good and language us appropriate....i appreciate the way you quickly established the warm fuzzy connection with the birds....
between the lines i read this to be from a lazy girl who finds excuse to curl up longer till the sunlight is up to the sandy dunes...would that be noon? :)
enjoyed the short poem
......................................................................
Rula
7 years ago
Lazy?
anyone but me... I rarely sleep after eight a.m.
Thank you for reading dear raj!
raj
7 years ago
Hey!
I was being honest in my comment..may be I read wrong between the lines...chill !!
................................................................................