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Aug 10, 2018
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Is This Growing Up
It can mean so many different things.
Going without,
Moving on,
Wanting less,
Letting the pillow be the only thing that hears your screams.
It means, not saying you are lonely
When you truly feel like the last bird caught in a snowstorm,
As your wings freeze in the wind,
Losing altitude, and losing grip.
Accepting the unacceptable.
Bearing the unbearable.
Growing up is when you stop sharing your feelings.
Locking your heart inside a diary you no longer open.
Even the pages have grown weary of your words and catching your tears.
Finding out that the big emptiness is beyond infinite.
Imagination manipulated into realism.
Wonderment mutilated by headlines.
Let the clocks stop and reverse their gears.
Let trees recede into the earth,
Let the sun rise in the west,
Let the stars glow brighter.
If only the clouds would whiten,
If only the sea would clear,
If only, if only, if only!
Words carved into every mature heart,
Your constant companion,
The unanswered question,
Echoing,
Is this growing up?
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Geezer
6 years 10 months ago
There is...
a lot to like about this one. It is true, that we tend to lose much of the wonderment as we become adults. I know, it sucks. But I am a seventy year old child. [In my head]. I have painted stars on my ceiling with glow in the dark paint, I paint with back-light paints, I take great delight in many things that others my age find childish. I am retired for the most part and can indulge myself in a day of writing poems or maybe trying to take apart some old toy and use parts from it to add to another and make something crazy. Your title is apt, your language is good and as I have said; the theme is something almost anyone of any age after eighteen, can relate to. Thanks for sharing. ~ Geezer.
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Shyanne18
6 years 10 months ago
Thank you
What does apt mean. You said my title is apt?
Geezer
6 years 10 months ago
The word apt...
as I used it means fitting or proper. I find it increasingly frustrating to think that there are people out there, that do not possess or have access to a dictionary. I guess Google never heard of the word? ~ Geezer.
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Sparrow
6 years 10 months ago
Anne
Though your poem is really good, I think that you must wait for another train to journey on.
There in this world as you grow you will learn, though I think that some of the lessons you learnt were to hard for you.
It, life that is , is there to be lived if only those that know you had let you live and learn of all the things missing from your piece about growing up.
I think that maybe you have grown up, now the script you read from has to be edited, as any of life's journals, find a quiet place and ask of yourself questions of what you want of life and the answers will be yours..
Yours as always, Ian xx
Shyanne18
6 years 10 months ago
i agree
like the poem goes growing up can mean many things. everyone edits their own histories.
Eumolpus
6 years 10 months ago
very intense
You kinda capture that moment with a lot of good metaphors and favors.Love the bird wings freezing in the wind, the Wonderment mutilated by headline, many many good lines to build your theme.
It's a very good confessional poem because it shifts gears and stances. this is very strong:
Let the clocks stop and reverse their gears.
Let trees recede into the earth,
Let the sun rise in the west,
Let the stars glow brighter.
If only the clouds would whiten,
If only the sea would clear,
I think the craft here is very good.
We all have different takes about this is idea of growing up. Me, I played the Peter Pan till I was about 30. But I did learn early, and passed this on to my sons, that by the time you are ready to question this you are on even keel with the mass of grown ups who are quite considerably fucked up.
Just look around at the mess! I hope that helps you as an answer to your question in the final line.
The question is rhetorical. Your poem serves well as the answer.
Shyanne18
6 years 10 months ago
I wish i had properly learned about poetry.
I write as best i can with no training and having read very few famous poems myself. thank you for liking it i guess. it means a lot.
Geezer
6 years 10 months ago
There are...
many of us out here, that have little or no formal training in the art. There are also many that haven't read or care to read the masters. No shame in being self-taught! It does help to listen to the readers of your work and try to understand what the readers like. Most important is the ability to connect with the reader. Not everyone will like everything you write; as poets, we have to accept that there will be those who just don't get where you are coming from. You don't have to address every criticism and implement every suggestion, but most of the criticisms are well meant and the writers are just trying to help you reach the most readers. You show great promise and I hope that you will continue to grow here. ~ Geezer.
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Shyanne18
6 years 10 months ago
Thank you
i am glad you enjoyed it.
raj
6 years 10 months ago
I am late getting to this
I am late getting to this page....others have already commented before me and I agree with them..
it is definitely intense and gives me a feeling like the words and lines have erupted like waters do when the gateways of a Dam are opened or even like the free flow of rapids...perhaps you may break this one in two parts after the line "bearing the unbearable"
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Shyanne18
6 years 10 months ago
I think you're right
i couldnt decide where to break thank you!
raj
6 years 10 months ago
with the breaks reads better
with the breaks reads better and easy on the eyes now...
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