raj

Sep 02, 2018 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the contest:

L o s s [September Contest]

Loss?
rid it soon
don't rue
travel light

life is good
add value to the cart
shun worldliness

loss is a notion
like grief
even that eases
into impermanence
over time

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

Comments

lovedly

6 years 10 months ago

what of loss

Come September raj
u must gain
first entry always
takes the lead
and of your poetry 'tis enchanting read
loss no only gain
'tis like Paradise Regained
My heartiest best for the contest

raj

6 years 10 months ago

Thanks Lovedly

for the read and wishes,,,,
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Rula

6 years 10 months ago

Yes,

A great way to defeat loss as a notion, Can't say it better dear raj! Many great lines through out!
You don't need much luck, so I'll wish you the best for September contest.

raj

6 years 10 months ago

Thanks Rula

for reading ,,,your comment and wishes..
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Rula

6 years 10 months ago

the word shun, but I liked the stanza with "add value to the cart" better.
I also keep coming to the first stanza. There is something I don't like about it, but couldn't figure it yet. Are you using rid and rue as verbs or nouns? I'm a bit confound.
But don't change a thing before you see what others have to say.

raj

6 years 10 months ago

Thanks Rula

for re visiting this write...comments and critique are always welcome since they make one re think and make alterations as deemed fit...let me know once you figure out what you did not like about the 1st Stanza...
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Rula

6 years 10 months ago

Never mind

I haven't used rue and rid before, so It's just me unle to get the structure and the meaning of the stanza. I'm not even sure if adding punctuation would make any difference.
I see I'm the only one here to have a problem in grasping it's meaning.
So please feel free to ignore me.

raj

6 years 10 months ago

well there could be others

well there could be others Rula who have not read it as yet...so i will re think on the fiorst stanza and see if there is a way to bring more clarity to it without affecting the substance..i have now added a word in L2....does it make more sense now?
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Rula

6 years 9 months ago

Much better raj

using don't instead of not makes the difference.
Now it's as clear as the "spring's eye" :)

raj

6 years 9 months ago

good to know Rula that you

good to know Rula that you find it better...liked what you said "as clear as Springs Eye"

not sure if this meets the contest requirement though which specifies "rediscovering something lost"....yet I will stick with this hoping that the judge will know what is rediscovered which is in the subtext...)
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IRiz

6 years 10 months ago

Fantastic write. I love it.

Fantastic write. I love it. No comments. Respect.

raj

6 years 10 months ago

Dear friend IRiz

appreciate your taking time to visit this page ....thank you for your appreciative words...they are like tonic...
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IRiz

6 years 10 months ago

The pleasure is mine.

gregwa8

6 years 9 months ago

a nice poetic reminder that

a nice poetic reminder that loss is only temporary. especially because it seems so powerful when it is felt. love the rhythm of this.

raj

6 years 9 months ago

appreciate your visit Greg

good to know you liked it and its rhythm
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