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IRiz
IRiz
Sep 04, 2018 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

I do what I can

Green grass. Dark blue rooks.
Shadows spread on the meadow,
lazily silently wet their feet in the brook.

Insects are storming the evening.
Their angular legs are loud.
Transparent, glistening wings are strong.

Short showers lean on their shoulders,
cut through the sun. I want to do something,
stand on one leg like a dancer on top
of a big rock and sing like an opera singer,
or jump high and gracefully
like one of those famous ice skaters.

Instead I am walking across the meadow,
take a deep breath, and kiss the first man I see.
He smiles and thanks me.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Washington DC, USA

Favorite Poets: Matsuo Bashō, Sylvia Plath, Charles Bukowski, TS Eliot, William Carlos Williams, Joseph Brodsky, Boris Pasternak, DH Lawrence, Robert Frost

More from this author

Comments

lovedly

lovedly

6 years 10 months ago

It SEEMS most neos missed

being the first one
lol
nice poem
there is a country ARMENIA IF i RECALL CORRECTLY WHO SAY
THEY CAN THOSE WHO CAN

So u can

Geezer

Geezer

6 years 10 months ago

I like this...

just a few little things I think that may make it a little smoother.

Try: lazily, silent, wet their feet

Their angular legs are loud
Transparent, glistening wings so strong
high and graceful, not [gracious] gracious is a manner of acting social. ~ Geezer.
.

IRiz

IRiz

6 years 10 months ago

Hello Geezer,

Hello Geezer,
I have corrected gracious to gracefully, thank you. The other suggestions look like grammatically beyond my understanding.
I don't have a sense why they would improve the text. Thank you for reading.

R

raj

6 years 10 months ago

Hello friend IRiz

Each poetic line in this poem reflects the vision of the protagonist...to me this translates like "the world is my place where I have the choice to do whatever I deem fit or feel inspired to do instinctively and not necessarily be bridled by tradition or taboo"...pretty exquisite
..............................................................................................

IRiz

IRiz

6 years 10 months ago

Hi Raj,

Hi Raj,
Thank you for reading.
The goal of the poem was just to remind a reader the feeling when beauty of nature inspires to do something extraordinary but the protagonist can't because she is just a normal average. But even normal and boring person has a power to make somebody happy, to share the thrill of the moment with someone close or even a complete stranger.

R

raj

6 years 10 months ago

thanks IRiz for elaboration..

thanks IRiz for elaboration....i realize i was off target in interpretation...
............................

gregwa8

gregwa8

6 years 10 months ago

ha! surprise ending that

ha! surprise ending that captures the transference of beauty and wonder to another soul. unexpected! I enjoyed reading this.

Sparrow

Sparrow

6 years 10 months ago

Irene

The raven in the shadows seems to depict someone that has become unsure of their feelings on a few things.
Then the capitulation into a careless way, a new saying from me.
"Wander not from the pathway, as there around each corner you may meet a reason."
Yours as always Ian x

IRiz

IRiz

6 years 10 months ago

Hi Ian,

Hi Ian,
It is only rarely one can tell what is going on in one's heart.
But the poem is about the feeling of helplessness when facing the overwhelming beauty of nature and a modest solution how one can respond to it: if I can't jump above my head I can make somebody happy. Maybe then he will will make that jump.