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gregwa8
gregwa8
Sep 08, 2018 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

A Bad Star

The little boy
Picked petal
After petal
Off the purple
Star-shaped
Flower

“She loves me,
She loves me not”

Until his desperate
Little fingers
Ended on a final leaf
And a final “not”

It was a total
Dis-Aster

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Maryland, USA

More from this author

Comments

Rula

Rula

6 years 10 months ago

Ha

Nice play with words greg.
A fun to read despite the di Aster
Thanks for sharing this enjoyable piece!

Geezer

Geezer

6 years 10 months ago

Your title...

is good enough to catch my eye and that's what it is supposed to do. Good language and the rhythm was smooth and flowed well from beginning to end. I liked the theme and the devastated little boy, made it all come together in a smart play of words! Nice job! ~ Geezer.
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