Florence [Sunku]

her eyes
are whelming
with stormy surge

choking
for contempt
loathed upon her

crying
"my name means
beautiful girl"

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Eastern

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

Comments

Rula

6 years 10 months ago

Hello raj

A profilic poet you are, aren't you :)
I'm not quite sure I'm getting this one. Reading between the lines and trying to connect to the title, i thought you are talking about Florence the city, butwhen I googled I didn't find the meaning of the name. Is the girl named after the city?
I would appreciate a hint here.

raj

6 years 10 months ago

Hi Rula

This is with reference to the fearsome hurricane Florence looming large over East Coast of USA ...

I often wonder why these hurricanes mostly have name of women...Irene,,,Maria,...Katrina..to name a few...does it mean women have such a dark side? :)
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Rula

6 years 10 months ago

Could be

not v.much justified though in my opinion. Why giving them nanes in the first place I wonder.

Overwhelming, should be one word? And it's four syllables.
"enormous " Maybe work better?
Just a suggestion.

raj

6 years 10 months ago

thanks Rula for the catch

thanks Rula for the catch about syllable count..i have fixed it...

giving names is I believe for identification purposes but beats me why names of persons...just imagine how would you feel if a hurricane is named Rula?
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Rula

6 years 10 months ago

:)

No way!
They better not do it

raj

6 years 10 months ago

now you can understand how

now you can understand how all girls / women named Florence must be feeling right now :)...that's the essence of this Sunku...
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gregwa8

6 years 9 months ago

very powerful. you make the

very powerful. you make the sunku form work wonderfully. like haiku, but different.

raj

6 years 9 months ago

thanks Greg

for reading and your appreciative comment...
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