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Race_9togo
Race_9togo
Nov 14, 2018 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Planting Bulbs in Autumn

Sitting in cold dark dirt
hands hurting in the cold
and black with digging
I asked myself was I too old
for this...

...Yet even as the question came
my thoughts turned to an answer,
of golden flowers
nodding in the warming sun,
with spikes of color
rising up to
waft a sweetness
gently on spring air,
and my woman's smile
as she's returning
home from work,
seeing her new garden
awakening from winter slumber...

and as first snow
began to softly fall,
I continued planting.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Earth Vicinity (within a five light-year radius), ZZC

Favorite Poets: John Donne, T.S. Eliot, Serendipity, Emily Dickenson, Kailashana, Charles Bukowski, Kabir, Rett, Dalton, W. B. Yeats, William Blake, Rainer Maria Rilke, and many other Neopoet poets; Neopoet has heavily influenced my poetry and my ability to write it well.

More from this author

Comments

IRiz

IRiz

6 years 8 months ago

What a delightful poem!

What a delightful poem!
i was not attracted by the title, it sounds prosaic.
after i read the poem the title started to make sense

language is simple and brilliant
the cadence conveys and fits the content
logic is perfectly consistent and clear

i have a tiny question about the structure of your sentence:

and my woman's smile,
returning home from work,
seeing her new garden
awakening from winter slumber.

looks like it is smile that returns

have you considered

and my smiling(or darling maybe) woman,
returning home from work,
seeing her new garden
awakening from winter slumber.

Theoretically you don't have to say she smiles,
it implies that she would enjoy seeing the flowers.

IRiz

IRiz

6 years 8 months ago

The pleasure is mine.

The pleasure is mine.
Don't be a stranger.
We plan to start promoting Neopoet by social media a little more actively.
May I post your poem with a photo of a daffodil?

Race_9togo

Race_9togo

6 years 8 months ago

LOL

I really have been away for awhile...because you don't have to ask me that!
Of course you can.

S

scribbler

6 years 8 months ago

howdy

I agree with Riz that this is a lovely poem of sacrifice for future gain. But me being me I have 2 ideas to run past you. First line : try cold dark dirt. adds alliteration and explains black hand later on.Stanza 2 line 2 : change an to the. After all this poem posits only one answer. But even if you decide neither of these ideas work I still like this........stan

Race_9togo

Race_9togo

6 years 8 months ago

Hey Stan

Yeah I like the aliteration; added it.
I had 'the', lol. Changed to 'an' for...aliteration!
Thanks man, always good to get suggestions from you.

Race_9togo

Race_9togo

6 years 8 months ago

Yeah,

It's real. Just finishing the digging when the snow started lol.
You know, I thought about soil...but I like dirt because it is abrupt and somewhat negative in connotation, which fit my mood at that time, so I think I will keep it.
Glad you enjoyed it.

Roscoe Lane

Roscoe Lane

6 years 8 months ago

Adree,

Agree this poem grips and holds to an ending that clearly proves, that the sacrifice was never just for selfish gain. Very good. Regards Roscoe....

Roscoe Lane

Roscoe Lane

6 years 8 months ago

Adree,

Agree this poem grips and holds to an ending that clearly proves, that the sacrifice was never just for selfish gain. Very good. Regards Roscoe....

R

raj

6 years 8 months ago

Hi Jim

the poem is engaging with vivid imagery and mood...good to see you posting again...
.........................................................................................

Race_9togo

Race_9togo

6 years 8 months ago

Thanks Raj,

After reading some of your poetry, I got the creative juices flowing again!

Geezer

Geezer

6 years 7 months ago

Nice to see you...

posting again. This is a good Thanksgiving piece. It gives some measure of thanks for a home, a garden and a woman who works too? What more could you ask for? Thanks for sharing. ~ Gee.
.