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Nov 29, 2018
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How Could I Ever Forget You
I just hope in some little ways
—You still think of me.
For years, I’ve tried not minding you
But I’ve miserably failed-- my love.
Singing our love songs,
Talking to you in my dreams,
These simple joys, I won’t stop doing.
Yes, sweetheart, you’re truly my life.
Could I still meet you in my lifetime?
I’ll keep on wishing—and dreaming
Tomorrow—who knows, you might come
back again, and be in my arms forever.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
zebra
6 years 10 months ago
I love the sentiment of this
I love the sentiment of this poem Its a universal commentary on love unfulfilled, of the gnawing absence and the vacant heart
But what of the poetic musicality of language, of eloquence in word choice and phrasing ?
I want the language to mirror the pain
Would metaphor paint the image more than a sentence of literal explanation?
EX: this an example not a literal suggestion
Yes, sweetheart, you’re truly my life.
Your breath in my chest, a ghost of our love weeping
Of course just my perspective
Okay Ill shut up now :)
lovedly
6 years 10 months ago
a pure case of
unrequited love
It happens to most
when they are incompatible
sexually or mentally
I have come across the Internet
so many