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Alice Ember
Alice Ember
Feb 25, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Love is death

Let the pain roll off my back
Into the sand my blood drops
My dreams go with the wind
My laughter sounds in hell

The knife you shoved into my back
Cuts into my heart
Until everything spills from inside me
Down I go
Spiral out of control
ceaseing to be

Watch as blood gushes from my mouth
As my heart bleeds through my skin
I fall to the ground
Look up at you and say
Your love was just my death in
a pretty disguise

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I wrote this quickly and it's short but it said what i wanted it to

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

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Comments

Race_9togo

Race_9togo

14 years 4 months ago

Hello Alice,

I like this, I think it is quite good.
The only real criticism that I have is the repetition of the word "down", which seems out of place in this piece. Perhaps the use of different words describing the same thing?
I enjoyed this. Not bad, for a quick one!