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Feb 25, 2011
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Love is death
Let the pain roll off my back
Into the sand my blood drops
My dreams go with the wind
My laughter sounds in hell
The knife you shoved into my back
Cuts into my heart
Until everything spills from inside me
Down I go
Spiral out of control
ceaseing to be
Watch as blood gushes from my mouth
As my heart bleeds through my skin
I fall to the ground
Look up at you and say
Your love was just my death in
a pretty disguise
— Alice Ember, Feb 25, 2011
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About This Poem
Last Few Words: I wrote this quickly and it's short but it said what i wanted it to
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Rough draft
Critiques
Race_9togo
15 years 3 months ago
Hello Alice,
I like this, I think it is quite good.
The only real criticism that I have is the repetition of the word "down", which seems out of place in this piece. Perhaps the use of different words describing the same thing?
I enjoyed this. Not bad, for a quick one!
Alice Ember
15 years 3 months ago
Thanks Jim
Thanks Jim, i hope the changes make it better
Alice Ember
15 years 3 months ago
Thanks
Thank you so much.
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