My Lucky Coin

I left my lucky coin
In my pocket
When it went through the dryer
Last night

And it charted the stars
On each rebound
Against the moving cylinder
The metallic sound
Like the hammering
Of light
Through darkness

I didn’t stop the machine
I leaned in
And listened
To that moving body
My luck
On its seemingly erratic
Geometrical course
Creating
Starlight
Starlight
STARLIGHT

When I opened the dryer
To put my clothes
In the laundry basket

The coin had somehow
Fallen back
In my pocket

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Maryland, USA

Comments

Geezer

6 years 5 months ago

I guess...

my comments have drifted of to the void once again! Unless because you have edited out the other poem that you had with it. I like this sooooo much better! Right on MF ! ~ Geezer.
.

gregwa8

6 years 5 months ago

thanks geezer! I took your

thanks geezer! I took your and other people's advice and broke my last poem into two different poems. I'm pleased with this, as simple as it is. sometimes simple is the best! appreciate your comments

Geezer

6 years 5 months ago

Just thinking...

that maybe you could reverse the two lines in the last stanza and say "Providentially, Fallen back"
into your pocket. Just seems smoother. ~ Geezer.
.

Eumolpus

6 years 5 months ago

just drop "providentially" , just "fallen back in the pocket" is providential enough and makes the same point.
Otherwise i think it is a great subject idea, the coin in the dryer, who has not experienced it?
To find these little common things and find poetry in them is one of Greg's gifts.

gregwa8

6 years 5 months ago

Eumolpus, yeah, I dropped

Eumolpus, yeah, I dropped providentially. A little redundant. Thanks for your comments that got me writing more based on the original origami idea, fleshing things out. Shel Silverstein is the bomb. Makes me wanna do some doodles for my poems :)