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Apr 21, 2019
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The Angel
THE ANGLE
The Angel reached out toward my face and said
"Dear child be free"
I turned and said "I can't I'm lost, my path
I cannot see"
"I do not know which way to turn
to stop the pain inside,
an empty spot lays in my heart
from tears that I have cried"
"I feel wore down and weak right now
from years of being strong.
Now that it's time to help myself
I'm doing it all wrong"
I knelt down to the Angel and I said
"Please bless my soul.
have mercy on bad things I feel
from the pain that's turned me cold."
I said "How could God hand to me
these things that break my heart. Lay
down on me this heavy load
that's tearing me apart?"
The Angel took me in his Wings and said
"dear child, God knew.
he is not to blame what happens in our lives,
from our pain he's crying to.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: blue rose
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Geezer
6 years 6 months ago
I wonder...
Did you mean [angel or angle]? I like the use of near rhyme [soul and cold], and the rest of your rhyming is good. I don't feel that you put much effort into the pattern or the rhythm, keep track of your syllable count; you can leave out words like [and] when it doesn't change the meaning of the line. It seems consistent pretty much all the way through, but the last line needs to be worked over. ~ Geezer.
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Eumolpus
6 years 6 months ago
what an interesting theme
he is not to blame what happens in our lives,
from our pain he's crying to. (too)
That is a very pagan view, as the "one" god of our modern religions is said to have power over events. Why does everyone pray? To bless creation? not really, it's for health or wealth or to win the baseball game.
So what use is this god who cries for us...as an inscription in the wall of Auschwitz says, "if there is a god he will have to beg his forgiveness from me" Amen