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A NIMROD'S BIRTH ( formerly 1st untitled)

I won't have time to post this Monday. Perhaps I'll be forgiven for posting it today

My memory takes me way back when
I was maybe six or eight
a Memphis city kid back then
I know that I could hardly wait

Tomorrow this tow-headed son
goes hunting rabbits with his dad
I just know it's going to be fun
having heard tales since a wee lad

How can I hope to go to sleep
on this cold night in bed so warm......
Wake Up! Time to out of bed creep!
rabbits await and nearly swarm!

Mom has fixed biscuits and gravy
milk for kids, coffee for dad
uncombed hair is tangled and wavy
up 'fore the sun is not so bad

Now we load into the station wagon
including a beagle name of Kim
who's alert with tail a'waggin'
dad,me, and my brother Jim

Time to wake up once again
we're now at our destination
an overgrown and brushy wide flood plain
Kim hits the briers, no hesitation

Suddenly he strikes a trail
revealed by both howls and barks
the prey will circle without fail
I flush a flock of meadow larks

I stay with dad ( too young for a gun )
brother James goes toward the right
as we hear beagle music, having fun
awaiting hare to come in sight

Kim circles closer, guns go bang !
rascally rabbit ziggs and zaggs
dad and Jim both holler Dang!
they've missed this one won't go in bag

The rabbit swims a nearby river
we call and call Kim off the trail
excitement, not cold, makes me shiver
here comes Kim wagging his tail

We only hunted half a day
I know now because I was so small
how many rabbits I can't say
but we all really had a ball

Back to the old car, unload the guns
load the dog and stow the game
a father and his two young sons
no other hunt will be the same

That day I fell in love with woods
an appreciation still held dear
I still own rugged hunting goods
and love the autumn of the year

That first hunt is so far away
fifty years, eight hundred miles
dad and James now gone to stay
I still recall the hunts and smiles

Now my hunting's solitary
and won't go on too many years
for time counts and is arbitrary
and cares not for an old man's tears

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I can't seem to find a title. Suggestions?

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

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Comments

Frederick Kesner

Frederick Kesner

14 years 4 months ago

The Hunt

or The Hunter? I know I despise having to come up with a title. But then titles can be very useful. I'm not sure the above suggestions are any good to you but am putting it out there anyway for your perusal. Cheers, CB

S

scribbler

14 years 4 months ago

hello CB

can't use The Hunter as I already have another poem with that title. Thank you for the suggestions............scribbler

A

amalzamani

14 years 4 months ago

I was hoping you'd include

a verse or two of how you'd cook the rabbits :)

title?

(1) The day I fell in love with woods

(2) How many rabbits I can't tell

(3) First Hunt

(4) Rascally Rabbit Ziggs and Zaggs

enjoyable one...thankyou Stan

S

scribbler

14 years 4 months ago

greetings Amal

why they'd be fried with biscuits and gravy of course lol. Appreciate the read and title ideas.................stan

S

scribbler

14 years 4 months ago

hi shirl

Just trying to show that hunting is about much more than the kill. The end realization of so many hunting companions now being gone Is sad in life as well as poem. Glad you dropped by................stan

S

scribbler

14 years 4 months ago

hello Anna

thank you for the sincere suggestion.................riiight...................scribbler

K

Kailashana2

14 years 4 months ago

riiiiiiiight!

riiiiiiiight!

All children need bonding. And that hunt did not make you a killer, so it's all good. At some point we all cherish these memories of bonding with one another; after all that is said and done,
it's what makes us human and gives meaning, eh?

Hugs,

~A

S

scribbler

14 years 4 months ago

anna

right............without extra iiiii's..............stan

S

scribbler

14 years 4 months ago

hello Bee

I hardly ever consider a poem finished. Thanks for coming by........................stan

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

14 years 4 months ago

Dear Stan,

Your account of your first hunting trip adventure reminds me of the early days. As a kid and a tomboy, I used to get up long before the sun and have a quick breakfast with my dad, then off to the lake to fish! The other two girls, my older sisters and mom would stay behind, abed. Dad and I wouldn't return until we had enough fish for a meal. I always helped Dad clean the fish we caught by scraping scales. Then we would wash up and have a feast. Dad was the cook and those fresh fish were a mouthful of heaven.

As for a title, maybe: First Hunt, Hunter Days or Flood Plain?
Thanks for the returned memories!

Always, Cat

S

scribbler

14 years 4 months ago

Hello Cat

First fishing trip I was so young as to not even remember it lol. you are right about how much better fresh fish taste, Always glad to have company on memory lane..........................stan

loved

loved

14 years 4 months ago

I was invited to a rabbit meal

i always thought
rabbits were as naive as me
till a cooked rabbit
on the dining table i did see
thank god
it wasn't me
none the less
lovely was
ur rabbitory

S

scribbler

14 years 4 months ago

greetings

thanks for coming by with such kind comment...............scribbler

S

scribbler

14 years 4 months ago

to all

thanks for the many title suggestions.................scribbler

S

scribbler

14 years 4 months ago

hi Xena

It may be a contradiction but I also feel for my prey and give a pause of respect when ever I harvest an animal. But at the same time I relish a good meal of wild game lol........................stan