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May 06, 2019
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Still Alive (May Contest)(Poetic Selfie)
Still alive with all these chores;
Cleaning windows, sweeping floors,
Washing, dusting, folding the laundry
Is there no end? Is there no boundry?
The day winds up, I'm still alive
the poetic elves are up to write.
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Geezer
6 years 1 month ago
Such an abrupt ending...
You still had fourteen lines to go! I was enjoying the rhyme immensely and BANG, the end! You have such nice easy words to rhyme with there and you just... I mean, come on, alive and write? Rrrrrrrrrr!
Nice work, just feels unfinished. ~ Geezer.
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scribbler
6 years 1 month ago
Hi Rula
The poem ends as abruptly as the day ends lol. But I agree that the last 2 lines would work better with this poem if they rhymed
Simon
6 years 1 month ago
Am glad
That I'm still alive too
It's a cool one nice to read and quick to end.
Until you live and allow life to past through you you will never understand life.
I rather learn how to fish than beg for one.
lovedly
6 years 1 month ago
short cut
selfie why
Rula add on
I want someone to with me vie
don't feel shy
U r scores ahead
even now