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May 14, 2019
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Zen-ful form of self - evaluation. (May Contest)
She felt her body with
blind fingers. ....
.... feeling the hard curves and
shriveled bones of an old woman -
When did she get old?
Crone-like... crow-like.... desiccated feathers dried to leather;
She felt body with
blind fingers. .... Self-examination before
'selfies' became
a zen-ful form of self - evaluation. ...
The years between then and now had
left their marks, for good or bad
shriveled bones and all
she was older then she 'd ever been
- but she is still the she she's always been
just Crone-like... crow-like.... desiccated feathers dried to leather.
*
SharonleeGoodhand January 2019
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
Geezer
6 years 1 month ago
I think that I would...
eliminate the last line after the line [" but she's still the she, she's always been"]. Maybe you might say at the last, [just older]. Good work and I hope that we see more of you. ~ Geezer.
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scribbler
6 years 1 month ago
Greetings
Welcome to neopoet and good luck in contest. This is a good write on the self perception of how age changes us all. I make it a personal habit to never critique a member's first post ,,,,,,but not to worry I make up for it later lol. Good luck in contest and if you have any question just holler at me or any member.......stan
scribbler
6 years 1 month ago
Greetings
danged double post
ImageWeaver
6 years 1 month ago
Hello Geezer and scribbler ..
Hello Geezer and scribbler .... thank you both so much for your time and comments... I am easing myself into Neopoet slowly, its very different to other writing communities I have belonged to.
Geezer
6 years 1 month ago
It is my pleasure...
I love to welcome new poets to the site. We are proud of Neo. and we want everyone to have a good experience here. Yes, Neo. is different, we like to challenge our writers to better themselves and us in the process. Believe it or not, even long time members of the site can learn something new from the newbies! We don't just stroke your ego, we ask you questions about your motivation, correct typos, and ask that you comment and critique us too! We are not just a bunch of old farts, trying to tell you what or how to write like us. Ease in and become familiar with your favorite writers and at least comment on them. Look at the critique and comments on other people's work and you will see how it's done. Enjoy! ~ Geezer.
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gregwa8
6 years 1 month ago
"zen full form of self
"zen full form of self-evaluation" is an interesting concept, though I don't know if I would equate that with selfies. I understand the use of repetition in the poem, but I'm not sure that it works here. it is a gift to look at another poet's perception of aging. thank you.
ImageWeaver
4 years 2 months ago
Apologies
Apologies
I am terribly sorry I didn't reply to your comment, I somehow became lost in life and am just finding way to a more balanced harmony.