Inaugural Flame

We can’t remember our
first story
like we can’t remember our
first step

but both were like
an inaugural flame
the million mile engine’s
initial spark
the dawn of a forty
fifty, eighty
year day

100 million steps
through museum and supermarket
remote woods
and bustling colonnades
disappearing in sand
and echoing down the halls
of loved ones'
hearts

countless words
about the origin of fire
and the light that never goes out
the rings of hell
and the bitter loneliness
that at some time burns every soul

the fire has dimmed
and the fire has blazed
been fueled
and been doused to a
mere flare

but each kindled step
has gotten us
where we are
and each burning story
created a fiery tale
that we can ultimately
call our own

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Maryland, USA

Comments

lovedly

6 years 2 months ago

u n'dn't bthr all no

each burning story
created a fiery tale
that I can ultimately
call my own

Eumolpus

6 years 2 months ago

I like the message of this poem

Somehow it is so universal, in that nobody remembers their first step or story, that the entire poem would work in 3rd person, a different stance but saying the same thing.

we can't remember our
first story
like we can't remember
our first step
(etc., to...)
but each kindled step
has gotten us
where we are
and each burning story
created a fiery tale
that we can ultimately
call our own

I think that might engage the reader a little more. The idea occurred to me from this:

the rings of hell
and the bitter loneliness
that eventually burns every soul

...