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Ritual of Hedon
hot and close
i scum the moon
in her dusted bell of caves
and notched noir crotch
she got red like a thirsty knife
in flames oval then thin
till the blood candied
into sugar fruit
and I drew strength from her dreams
those teaming gutters of the sun
bimbo boys with tits and thick with makeup
watched startled
through a winking diorama
of jumbling cunts and kicking feet
in shades of lunar water
oh this compulsive dream
me touching myself
kissing her golden apple cunt
tabernacle of liquid jewels
curled split
jam slammed
this haunting mirage of desire
desire; born from having nothing
holding her face
tongue to tears
a lighted loon of sadness
cascades through fingers like bone dust
and i fall into myself
molasse's seep and gather
in a stone sea of wet music
vapor of darkness
mad nag hunger growls
meet me now!
About This Poem
Last Few Words: erotic
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Simon
6 years ago
Wonderful
This piece is good I like its flows, keep this up.
zebra
6 years ago
Hi Simon
Thank you so much!
Cloudthings
6 years ago
I can't help it! So much brilliant verbiage!
& as always an odd word or line that delivers an uncomfortable slap... I think it's worth it... I do very much love your wordsmithery. You write very potent cocktails (no pun intended.. maybe I should substitute cunt-tails?). Hahah.
zebra
6 years ago
I do adore Cuntails ,,,They
I do adore Cuntails ,,,They are my religion
Many thanks for this comment I really appreciate it :)