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Jun 24, 2019
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I
There's a shadow that is cast upon the wall,
From the TV that drones mindlessly, ignored;
Forlorn and forgotten, a face hangs.
Perhaps, one day, I shall see whose shadow is cast,
But every time I turn my head the shadow passes.
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
tyro
6 years 3 months ago
I like this very much. "TV
I like this very much. "TV that drones mindlessly, ignored;: this gives vividly the mood. Five lines but the middle line is where the poem hangs, in the identification of that face.
The ;last two lines speaks of the spiritual, what an eye cannot see.
Needless to say, I loved it. very tight, very suggestive..
weirdelf
6 years 3 months ago
Oh my word! This is excelent, Ria.
One of my favourite definitions of poetry is 'The art of compression of meaning' and this achieves that superbly.
Despite being written in the first person the theme is universal. It evocatively captures personal and technological alienation, the idea of the age. The intangibility of the haunting.
Remember when people offer critique or suggestions here at Neopoet you are under no obligation to accept or act on them, although it is polite to acknowledge them.
My only critique is the title. The poem is so much more than just 'I'.
Perhaps "Our Lost Shadow"? I don't know, I hope you can come up with something more.