ThisIsMe

Oct 10, 2019 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Supersaturated

I am a sponge, I absorb

Nothing passes through me

These thoughts can't ever leave me

I feel myself getting heavy

weighted down, pulled down, forced down

by this terrible collection of things

that never seems to end

sopping wet with my sorrows

a barren burden

too close to escape,

can't talk, can't think, can't BREATHE

My skin itches, my head pulses

with the pressure of piercing pins,

pushing deep through me

Refusing to let go.

If you won't let me go,

can you at least loosen your grip?

Around my neck?

Don't squeeze so hard?

But you laugh

what a stupid request

stupid to hope

for relief

even more stupid to hope

for release

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I write very dark, but this is not really who I am.

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: North Carolina, USA

Favorite Poets: Charles Bukowski, Emily Dickinson, Lord Byron, Lorna Dee Cervantes, Tennyson, Walt Whitman

Comments

medes879

5 years 8 months ago

Very Deep Thoughts....

you are loved even if it doesn't think like that..Build up on faith with Jesus he will never let you down...Prayer opens a new doorway opened by which to explore.. I went through episodes of depression that you wouldn't believe but when it's all good say or known...Christ will lift you up above the sorrow...Amen

Barbara Writes

5 years 8 months ago

well written

your rhythm flowed well in writing and thought...I was able to follow the pain from beginning to end...the sponge is good for this piece....as sponges soak up and hold everything....If you squeeze (Act a fool) some of the things that pain will seep out if the things that causing the pain won't let up..but then that's me ...great poem

c lynn brooks

5 years 8 months ago

stanzas 2.3

both end in me I would suggest leaving the second me off the thought still carries through without love the rest of the work

ThisIsMe

5 years 6 months ago

Re

Yes, I definitely see how that could be redundant. I kind of tend to write the way I speak it in my head and I just like the way it sounds to have them both there.

medes879

5 years 8 months ago

Amazing Write

Love the daring and jostling style of this piece. There is a healthy irreverence for semantics, diving straight into bold word crafting and spellings which force me to narrow and broaden my gaze one at and the same time to coerce meaning from these lines. You spin a yarn worthy of Joyce. I hear these lines recited over a bottle of rum, an oak table smothered in cigarette burns, held aloft by the rapt attention of pub goers looking for something to compliment their daily dose of insanity. A well deserved front page pick I must say I enjoyed every word of this. Your closing line is classic and is heavy with truth and wisdom, something we all need to digest from time to time, but are rarely if ever fed. Keep them coming!

Amazing3

Rottiestyl

5 years 8 months ago

Hi Thisisme

It was a great piece. this line: sopping wet with my sorrows
pulled it all together for me. It matched the title and the subject of letting things get in but they cant get out without a overflow.

Very nice!

ThisIsMe

5 years 6 months ago

RE

Hey, thanks for the suggestions. And thanks for taking the time to read my stuff, it's very encouraging. I'm glad you enjoyed this poem, I would love to hear your input of future pieces!

Geezer

5 years 7 months ago

Deep stuff...

I like this and can't find fault with anything. It certainly flows well and I had no trouble in feeling the emotion. ~ Geezer.
.

ThisIsMe

5 years 6 months ago

RE

Thanks so much. This is why I love poetry, words are powerful and can evoke emotions deep within us. I'm happy to hear it did that for you.

ThisIsMe

5 years 6 months ago

RE

Sparrow 42

5 years 7 months ago

This is me

I will comment when I see that you are replying to the other poets comments..
Please reply and comment on others
As this is how we progress on Neopoet,
Yours Ian T ..

Sparrow 42

5 years 6 months ago

This is me

A great write just be careful of writing about something that isn't true..
I am a sponge, I absorb.. Nothing passes through me..
A natural sponge has holes that go right through it.
So I would put that line as:-
I am a false sponge, I absorb.. Nothing passes through me..
This wont change the piece one bit but will be true..
Hope you wont mind me saying this, it's why the real sponges are so expensive.
I hope you have a lovely new year and thank you for replying to the comments it gives our site a better depth,
Take care Yours as always Ian ..

ThisIsMe

5 years 5 months ago

Re

That is an interesting nuance I did not consider. Yes, sponges do have holes, but in my mind, the concept of a sponge is to soak up things and hold them within. A sponge would be pretty useless if it allowed liquids to pass right through them.

ThisIsMe

5 years 5 months ago