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Nov 30, 2019
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Minds Grinds
There is no front
no far behind
all is now but dreams
in one's
once sexy/fishy mind
we'd wished we could still
grind
but now just
have an imaginary
aged mind
Keeping the finale
in the fast breeze
just relax
don't yourself freeze
body of all humans
is of the same kind
we live till nature does
us naturally grind
and
like autumn leaves
leaves us far
in the doldrums
of lost
forgotten time
then the blue bells
of churches and temples chime
all youngsters enjoy
and
us mime
by then everything is fine
we have just a silently sleeping
cold
brainless
stilled human ultimate design
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Edna Sweetlove
5 years 7 months ago
Posted 8 days ago...
..and no one bothered to comment. I shall remedy that. Many of my own delightful works have been received here by a wall of silence so I can commiserate with you.
I found the rather aimless and random rhyming scheme somewhat off-putting and found the use of "mind" at the end of the 1st 2 stanza a little unimaginative,
"Fishy" had me puzzled in stabza 1.
Regards from the lovely