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T
texasgreg1973
Dec 22, 2019 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Better Man

( Better Man )

I would never change my yesterdays, they made me who I am
I made lots of mistakes in life, but they all made me a better man
We live and learn and practice, we watch others pay the price
Sometimes we take chances, its all in the roll of the dice

The nights were like a dagger, long, cold and often dark
I sat there and contemplated, no avail on reaching a spark
As time turned the pages, it always helped me to understand
You cant change the hands of time, even if you demand

Sometimes its better to leave, than stay there and get hurt
Love can be a complicated word, that buries you in the dirt
Learn from all the pain you get, your heart is made real strong
If its not the place to be, its best to know right from wrong

Keep on showing how you feel, never hold in the guilt
All the walls that once were up, will tumble that you built
Your heart will feel much better, and cooling from the fan
Overall in the long run, you will always be a better man

© Gregory Paul 12/22/2019

About This Poem

Last Few Words: hope everyone liked my poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Nebraska usa

Favorite Poets: edgar allen poe

More from this author

Comments

weirdelf

weirdelf

5 years 9 months ago

I can see you have read poetry,

and know some prosodic techniques.

Please have some patience with me here, critique is a tricky process between flattery and abuse, constructive criticism and pedantry. I would like to know more about you on your profile to help me read these fine lines. Neopoet is all about us mutually supporting each other in honing our craft and finding our voice. I've been away for a while and used to be one of Neopoet's best, whilst at the same time being arrogant and sometimes abusive, impatient of fools. Can we work together on this?

I see room for improvement but would like to know if you want specific suggestions or general references.

For now I'll say this- sometimes in striving for meter and rhyme you invert ('Yoda speak') and that makes the message itself feels a bit trite.

"The nights were like a dagger, long, cold and often dark" Is a bloody superb line! (I'm an Aussie)

Mark's most pertinent critique was be so, so, wary of using the second person voice, it can so often sound preachy.

Please let us all know a bit more about you and if this helps,

T

texasgreg1973

5 years 9 months ago

More about me

I live in Ord Nebraska a very small town. I run my own business where I mow grass 8 months out of the year and I also wash house windows 9 months out of the year. In the winter I scoop, plow snow. I have been writing most of my life and have a passion for it. I have my own web page and it branching out daily.