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Mar 27, 2020
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Tides
Never closed my mind
Two the bitter taste of wine
I must rise above the din
Two escape this bittersweet reality
My mind becomes my enemy
Come and take me away
Show me better day's
I must escape this haze
The bitter taste of wine
Will my tomorrow include memories
Lost dreams don't desert me
The tides of my life
I'm not a righteous one
Saints I give two you my sins
From the ripples behind eyes
That can't see past the haze
Of a destiny marked bye time
New turns old
Forsaken forgiven is there no one
Two teach me the pleasures of pain
As I bleed for another day .
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Sparrow 42
5 years 6 months ago
Gypsyknight
Firstly Welcome to Neopoet,
A good write,
Try to look up the use of, Two, Too, and To.
Just a small thing, but it will be a much better write,
English has so many words that sound the same but are spelt differently.
The spell checker wont pick this up, as they are all correct, but the context varies.
One small other thing try to make natural breaks in your write,
four or five lines it gives the reader time to breathe.
I hope you will write more for us here, and join in the workshops we have.
Yours as always Ian T ( Sparrow )
Gypsyknight
5 years 6 months ago
Two
My use of two is my duality between me and my mind we may not always agree . My writings are my other self so I use two in all I write thanks .